In an age of skepticism and cynicism, it’s good to know levelheaded patriots like President Donald J. Trump and crackerjack journalist Sean Hannity are protecting our God-given country.
Thursday night, the president called into the incredibly popular Hannity truthful news show on Fox News. And what they discussed should frighten every American. The Lint Screen proudly brings you a transcript of their conversation.
DT: They tried to have a coup, Sean. They wanted to overturn democracy and our way of life, but they failed. Boy, did they fail! Failed like a dog.
SH: Who, Mr. President?
DT: Hillary and Obama. The whole looney Democrat party.
SH: They’re unhinged maniacs.
DT: No, Sean, they’re worse than that. They’re socialists who want open borders for terrorists and they want to raise taxes and take the skin off of babies with razor blades and feed old people Drano.
SH: They’re even worse than I thought.
DH: Much worse. They also want to push people in wheelchairs off cliffs and throw cute little puppies and kittens into wood chippers.
SH: That’s awful. I love puppies!
DT: They want to kill anyone who loves America. That’s why they hate me. I call it Trump Derangement Syndrome.
SH: I love that phrase.
DT: Everyone loves it, Sean. When I coined the phrase ‘Trump Derangement Syndrome’, it caught on like wildfire. No one had ever seen anything like it. Just like when I termed the phrase ‘internet.’ People had been calling it the world wide web and I said, “too long, just call it the internet.”
SH: And now I hear everyone using the term ‘internet’. It’s really caught on.
DT: These nutty Democrats all have Trump Derangement Syndrome. It’s a real medical condition. People are going to the Mayo Clinic for treatment. They get lobotomies. Many, many lobotomies have been given. Sad.
SH: Unbelievable.
DT: Believe me, Sean, it’s true. So, Hillary and Obama came up with this plan for a coup, they were probably working with the Russians, and they hatched this plan to claim Russia helped me win the election.
SH: But you won the election fair and square.
DT: I did, in a landslide. No one’s ever seen an election like that. I won over ninety-nine percent of the popular vote.
SH: Incredible.
DT: I aced the Electoral College. Won every state. The Electoral College gave me both a Masters and a Ph.D. The first time that’s ever happened.
SH: You’re very popular, Mr. President. Americans love you.
DT: And that’s what Hillary and Obama hate. That’s why they came up with this insane story to say I stole the election.
SH: Because they lost.
DT: Right. Beat them like a dog. They’re sore losers. Incredibly sore. They were so mad they got Bob Mueller to start a witch hunt against me. Mueller, who everyone knows is a looney liberal leftist, he and a gang of crooked Democrats spend over three hundred million dollars and take ten years looking into the election trying to find dirt on me. Very unfair.
SH: But Mueller cleared you of everything, didn’t he? Attorney General Barr said so.
DT: That’s right. Barr is a very good man. Smart. Reads lots of books. Barr read the Mueller report, I didn’t. He said not only did the report completely clear me of any crimes–– absolutely no conspiracy and no collusion–– but the report also said Trump is the greatest president in American history. Everyone is saying that.
SH: Amazing. Mueller and his goon squad were supposed to smear you but they end up cheering you.
DT: What else could they do? The truth is the truth. I’m doing a tremendous job. No one can believe the great job I’m doing. America has never been more prosperous or more popular.
SH: But that wasn’t the case when you took over.
DT: Not at all. Obama had driven the country into a Depression. People were eating their children to survive. I heard many people were serving their beautiful babies on platters with an apple in their mouth. Horrible.
SH: Carving their own children like a turkey on Thanksgiving.
DT: Very sad, Sean. And rats were everywhere, chewing on people’s flesh and spreading bubonic plague. Over ten billion Americans died thanks to Obama.
SH: What a tragedy.
DT: People got addicted to opioids just to survive. Businesses were closing. Muslims were flooding into America and saying Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas. It was a catastrophe, an absolute disaster under Obama.
SH: I remember. People were committing suicide just to get through the day.
DT: It was awful. So the people elected Trump. No one thought I could win.
SH: But people love you.
DT: They do, and they should. I’m an amazing president. And a phenomenal lover, everyone says so. Great endurance and stamina.
SH: Then you had your incredible inauguration. It was historic.
DT: The biggest inauguration in history. I heard one in three Americans was there. Over one hundred million people. Tremendous crowd. But the fake news wanted to deny me my incredible success.
SH: And that’s when the enemies of freedom and justice planned their coup?
DT: Yes, Sean. That was the start of the collusion delusion. I coined that term, too.
SH: I love it.
DT: Everyone does. I’m the best maker of catchy words, everyone says it. But the fake news was out to get me. I made up ‘fake news’ too.
SH: Brilliant, Mr. President.
DT: The sad fact is, if people don’t watch Fox News, they don’t know what’s really going on.
SH: We only report the facts. One hundred percent. We get to the bottom of the truth and let smart people decide.
DT: It’s awful what’s going on. They are going after very good people, guys like General Flynn, Manafort, Roger Stone. Patriots, honorable people helping their country. The deep state, the whole thing, it’s just horrible what they’re doing.
SH: They should be in jail.
DT: They will. You know, Sean, a lot of people are saying Hillary is actually an alien.
SH: Really? An alien?!
DT: Believe me. An alien from another planet. She’s hellbent on destroying humanity and Earth.
SH: That explains Benghazi. And killing Vince Foster. And Pizzagate.
DT: And her server sending top-secret emails into outer space.
SH: Do you think she could be planning a world invasion?
DT: I don’t see why she wouldn’t be. Many people think she wants all good people to die. Especially Christians. That’s why the Democrats want to take all our guns.
SH: So we can’t protect ourselves from the aliens?
DT: Exactly. And remember this, Sean, aliens have ray guns. Very powerful guns. They can vaporize people instantly.
SH: Are the aliens are afraid of you?
DT: Absolutely. They’re terrified of Trump. They know I’m the only human who can protect America and save the planet. I’m the only man who can stand up to evil.
SH: God bless you, Mr. President.
DT: God sent me here to save humanity, Sean.
DT: ‘Thank God for Trump’–– I like that. I think I’ll make it the country’s official greeting.
SH: Thank God for Trump, and thanks, Mr. President, for battling evil and saving us.
DT: Trump 2020!
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