Pity poor billionaire Rupert Murdoch. The evil leader of a yellow journalism empire finds his company in a $1.6 billion defamation lawsuit from Dominion Voting Systems for the actions of Fox News promoting “the big lie” that Donald J. Trump won the 2020 presidential election.

The Lint Screen greased some palms at the courthouse, slipped a bottle of Four Roses to the right guy, and got a copy of Murdoch’s deposition under oath. Here are some of the stunning revelations.

ATTY: Mr. Murdoch, are you aware Fox News Hosts Sean Hannity, Laura Ingraham, and Tucker Carlson exchanged texts and emails admitting they knew that Trump lost the election?

RM: Of course, I knew. For chrissakes, they work for me. I know everything they’re doing and saying. I pay them a pretty penny. I own their sorry asses, and they kiss my wrinkled ass.

ATTY: Even though these Fox News hosts knew the claims of Trump’s election victory were a lie, they continued promoting it by having interviews with Rudy Giuliani, Sidney Powell, and Mike Lindell.

RM: Lindell––he’s the Mr. Pillow guy, right?

ATTY: Yes.

RM: He spends millions advertising his crappy pillows on Fox News, so naturally, he has an open invitation. We welcome his insane rants. Our viewers love them. It’s good business.

ATTY: What about Mr. Giuliani and Ms. Powell? Are they also sponsors?

RM: No. But they’re both crazier than shit house rats. Raving lunatics who’ll say anything. That’s exciting, viewers can’t enough of them, so they’re great for ratings.

ATTY: Even though they are sporting conspiracy theories and known lies?

RM: Absolutely.

ATTY: But isn’t Fox News supposed to be a news source? Doesn’t news entail journalistic standards of truth and honesty?

RM: What fantasy land do you live in, Poindexter? No one watches Fox News for truth and honesty. That’s not our brand.

ATTY: Are you saying you knowingly broadcast lies, conspiracy theories, cockamamie rants, and outrageous stories?

RM: Yes, if it’s good for business. We are the most-watched cable network news channel and have been for a long time. Bullshit is our business model. Our viewers demand it, and we deliver for them. If we don’t, they’ll find it somewhere else.

ATTY: But you’re damaging other businesses in the process, like Dominion Voting Systems. Your channel’s outrageous allegations have caused––

RM: Dominion needs to grow a pair and learn how to take a punch. If they can’t take the heat, they deserve to be collateral damage.

ATTY: And it doesn’t bother you Tucker Carlson promotes Russian propaganda.

RM: No. Not if it brings eyeballs, and the last Nielsen Ratings I saw, more people watch Tucker than anyone else. If promoting communism is good for capitalism, I’m all in, comrade.

ATTY: Mr. Murdoch, you do understand you’re being sued for $1.6 billion?

RM: Yes. I’ll put it on my AmEx and earn points. Are we done here? I have an orphanage and children’s hospital to burn down.

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Be a reader of PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. Also available in audiobook. Click here for a fun ride. Buckle up and go.