Acting White House chief of staff Mick Mulvaney popped into The Lint Screen offices as he continued his ongoing defense of President Trump against charges of racism.
“Look, I know a lot of people are in a lather over the president’s recent Twitter rampage against Elijah Cummings and the city of Baltimore,” Mulvaney said in sincere tones. “But that’s hogwash. There is not a racist bone in the president’s body. He has a black friend, for crying out loud!”
The pasty-faced pol continued. “The president invited Kanye West, a famous black dude who does the so-called ‘rap music’ into the White House–– which, by the way, the president did not name! It was called the White House before he got there. The president loves black people. He loves their food and music. Cripes, sometimes he’ll even eat his KFC while listening to Motown music. So you tell me, how could he possibly be racist?”
Mulvaney got red in the face.
“This is all a plot of the radical UnAmerican dark-skinned Squad against President Trump. They want to destroy America and they see him as the great white hope in making America great again. Naturally, they want to paint him as a racist. But it’s wrong and it’s hateful. Those little ladies and Elijah Cummings, Al Sharpton, and a whole bunch of other black people, they’re the racists! The president and his family love all people. That’s why they came to Washington!”
Mulvaney began to get teary-eyed.
“It’s obviously a radical conspiracy against a great man. A great patriot. President Trump was put here by God and he is trying to unite America. The president has the complete support and backing of the entire GOP, and they love America more than Democrats. And our election system is completely safe, Russia did not interfere in the 2016 election. He won fair and square. And exploding deficits are not a problem. The president knows how to run a successful business. He has a proven track record. So let’s just keep everything the way it is. Trust in Trump and Fox News, not fake news.”
As the lickspittle was leaving he stopped to make a closing statement.
“Oh, and next week will be infrastructure week. Really! No, seriously. This time it’s for real.”