“Ivanka looks great in black,” President Donald Trump tells The Lint Screen. “She’s very sexy in dark colors, so she’s the perfect pick to replace Ginsburg. She’ll look a hell of a lot better in her black robe than Ginsburg did, I can tell you that.”
Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who died last week at age 87, leaves a vacancy on The Supreme Court, and Trump is scrambling to replace her before the November 3rd election.
“I alone can lead America out of the catastrophe of eight years of Obama,” Trump crows. “And because I have this incredible power, my children also have it. Ivanka is my hot daughter, no offense Tiffany, but she is. I’d marry Ivanka if it were legal.”
Ivanka smiles and basks in her father’s adoration.
“Honey, you change that stupid law when you get on the Court,” he says with a wink. “I’ll leave Melania in a heartbeat.”
The president is not concerned that Ivanka won’t be confirmed because she lacks a legal degree or practical experience.
“If my administration has shown anything, it’s that experts don’t matter,” the leader of the free world declares.
“I’ve watched just about every episode of Law and Order,” Ivanka says. “And I was a huge fan of Judge Judy. Being a judge doesn’t seem that hard.”
“These guys like Fauci and all the science brainiac types think they know everything, but I’ve proved them wrong all the time with my hunches and gut instinct. Look at my terrific response to the pandemic. They predicted a hundred and eighty million Americans would die. I’ve kept it down to only two hundred thousand. Does the fake news give me credit for that? No.”
Trump believes Ivanka can learn the role of Supreme Court Justice.
“She’s always been a fast learner,” the president brags. “She’s like her old man. I’ve talked to Mitch McConnell about Ivanka replacing Ginsburg, and he’s behind her one-hundred percent. All the GOP Senators will fall in line. They know a good thing when they see it.”
Asked about Sen. Susan Collins and Sen Lisa Murkowski’s public statements that they will not back a Supreme Court nomination before the election, the commander-in-chief bristles.
“They’re women,” Trump says. “Some women like being difficult. I’ll get them to fall in line. And honey,” he says touching Ivanka’s arm, “if they don’t, you put them in prison when you become a Justice.”
“Yes, Daddy,” the vivacious first daughter coos. Jared Kushner cowers in the corner sucking his thumb.
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