Disgraced twice-impeached ex-President Donald J. Trump will be attending tonight’s fourth World Series Game–– as a pitcher!
“I’m an amazing pitcher,” Trump tells The Lint Screen. “I have incredible stuff. Fastball, even faster ball, fastest ball ever, curveball, loopy-doodle ball, filibuster ball, and wild pitch. Those batters aren’t going to know what hit them, but it just might be a baseball.”
Trump has had a lot of time on his hands since losing his re-election bid.
“I’m a gracious loser when I lose,” he says. “But I’ve never lost in any competition. And that’s the truth. Ask Kevin McCarthy or Jim Jordan. I won the election, and everyone knows it. Biden and the liberals cheated me, and then they faked that insurrection and tried to pin it on me.”
Asked which team he would pitch for, The Atlanta Braves or the Houston Astros, Trump shrugs. “I don’t know, maybe both of them. Maybe neither. It all depends on who needs me the most, begs me the most, and pays me the most. I don’t play favorites. I won both Georgia and Texas and all the 51 or 52 other states. I’m America’s pitcher, and I throw nothing but touchdowns.”
Trump smiles. “I might even sing the National Anthem. And hit some home runs. I’m ready to do whatever it takes to get into The Baseball Hall of Fame. Those people have been cheating me long enough. I’m getting in!”
The ex-prez scratched his crotch, spat, and said, “See–– I even look like a pitcher, right?” His security detail led him away as he mumbled to himself.
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