“I’m too damn sexy to go to prison,” brags Bannon

MAGA master hunk Steve Bannon is looking at a stint in the pokey.

Steve Bannon, the kooky mayor of MAGA-Madness Town, is scheduled to serve a four-month prison term on July 1 for contempt of Congress.

“It’ll never happen,” Bannon confidently tells The Lint Screen. “They can’t send a guy as good-looking as me to jail. That’d be criminal. I’ve got a male model body with Hollywood leading man looks. I’m too damn sexy for prison. But if I did go, I’d sing bass for the J6 choir. Those guys rock!”

Bannon is one of the biggest cheerleaders and ass-kissers of disgraced ex-President and convicted felon Donald Trump.

“They want to put me away because Democrats don’t want to admit they stole the election,” Bannon says. “Because I’m a voice of justice, a man who knows Trump is Jesus Christ come again to save us, they want to silence me. But since this administration is illegitimate, Trump can pardon me.”

Bannon, who once said Trump reminded him of Hitler as a compliment, feels he will get off scot-free with the con man’s help.

“Steve, who?” Trump asked when he was told about Bannon’s plan to be pardoned. “Oh, yeah, Steve Bannon. Right, that guy. How much does he have for a pardon? They don’t come cheap.”

Bannon tears a blank check from his checkbook and hands it to this reporter.

“You tell the big guy he can write his own ticket with this,” Bannon says, smiling. “I’m good for it. I’ll just shake down some MAGA rubes. That bank never taps out.”

It appears the future convict believes the convicted felon has magic powers.


Read PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is Wilder than a Circus,” a twisted, funny ride across America with a traveling circus in the early 1980s. The book is also available as an audiobook. Buckle up and go.

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