Sharks loom large in the mind of convicted felon disgraced ex-President Donald J. Trump.
The GOP criminal running for re-election is terrified of sharks. He reportedly treats Shark Week as a 7-day horror show and recently mentioned sharks in a campaign speech.
The looney tongue-ramblin’ man recalled a conversation with a boater in which he posed this dilemma: if the boat is sinking, and you’re on an electric battery, and you see a shark ten feet away in the water, would you stay on the battery and get electrocuted, or dive in the water and take your chances with the shark.
Trump said he would get electrocuted every time in that situation. This deeply offended the shark community.
“What’d we ever do to him?” says Bobby “Big Chopper” The Great White Shark. “Trump probably can’t even swim. I’ll bet he needs those inflatable arm things to float––and those give me terrible heartburn.”
Sharks say they are tired of being trashed by a man they find crude, ignorant, and distasteful.
“Trump’s a chicken, coward, and fatty feast,” Bobby says. “That is if he ever gets in the ocean. Sure, we’d eat him, but I’ll bet he’d give us awful heartburn. He’d probably also give us angina. Frankly, we’re glad that blubber is a landlubber. There’s not enough Andes Mints in the world to counteract him.”
When Trump heard the statement, he called the shark “a loser” and said, “I’d kill him with my bare hands. I’m very brave and tough as nails.”
Yeah, right.
Read PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is Wilder than a Circus,” a twisted, funny ride across America with a traveling circus in the early 1980s. The book is also available as an audiobook. Buckle up and go.