In an investigative journalism coup, The Lint Screen has acquired an advance copy of the questions for tonight’s debate on CNN with moderators Dana Bush and Jake Tapper.
- Who won the last election? No, seriously, who? Come on. Really?
- Was the United States Capitol invasion on January 6, 2021, an attempted coup, an insurrection, or an incredible demonstration of patriotism following the worst cheating in a presidential election in American history?
- Did Oz really “give nothing to the Tin Man?” And if so, was it nothing that he didn’t already have? Please explain.
- Was the J6 Prison Choir better when they were acoustic or when they went electric?
- Two trains leave Chicago for San Francisco, 1,853 miles away. One train is traveling at 68 mph, the other 72 mph. Who is the president of France? Show your work.
- Electrocution by battery or take your chances swimming with a shark?
- Swimming with sharks or fighting windmills?
- Windmills or handshakes?
- How many states are in the United States of America? Which ones are democracies? Please name the state bird and flower of each.
- Who was your favorite Beatle, and why?
- What is the largest prime number you can think of right now?
- Superman faces Spiderman in a fight––who wins? Show your work.
- What classic movie has the famous last line, “Forget it, Jake. It’s Chinatown.”
- How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could negotiate world peace––would you approve?
- The American people have entrusted each of you with our nuclear weapons. Was that a mistake?
- What is your favorite color? Are you sure? Think about this. Final answer? Any rebuttal?
- If a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, how do you explain this outrageous exchange rate?
- How many felonies do you have? Be exact.
- Sopranos, The Wire, or Breaking Bad––which show had the talking unicorn?
- I’m thinking of a number between one and ten––what is it? I should mention it’s a fraction.
Read PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is Wilder than a Circus,” a twisted, funny ride across America with a traveling circus in the early 1980s. The book is also available as an audiobook. Buckle up and go.