The Roberts Court has finished its business of dismantling democracy and enabling corporations to do as they like. Chief Justice Roberts has given all his robed pals the summer off. And conservative Justices Thomas, Alito, Gorsuch, Coney Barrett, and Kavanaugh will join Roberts on an all-expenses-paid trip worldwide.

“I can’t wait,” said Justice Brett Kavanaugh. “I want to do a keg stand in every country the private jet touches down! I also want to get handsy with the local talent.”

The itinerary for the six conservative judges includes visits to 18 countries on a private jet, staying in ultra-luxury accommodations, enjoying gourmet food and expensive drinks, and a per diem of $10,000 per Justice.

“It’s going to be a blast,” predicts Justice Amy Cohen Barrett. “I knew the law paid well, but good golly, I had no idea the perks were this fantastic.

“We had a very productive session,” Roberts tells The Lint Screen. “We ran roughshod over democracy and set the stage for even more dark money in politics, instituted regulations over personal freedoms we don’t like, restricted voting, put the pieces in place for the integration of a white Christian national government, and set the stage for Trump to do whatever he wants in the Oval Office. I’d call that a resounding success!”

“We came to do what we were paid to do,” said Justice Clarence Thomas. “And I’m proud to say, Harlan Crow, Misters Mellon, Uihlein, Koch, Griffin, and other mega-donors got their money’s worth. We delivered for them. Now, I can enjoy the summer with my wife, Ginni, who tells me some substantial deposits have been made into our investment accounts. Yee-ha!”

“I am a little upset at our performance,” said Justice Samuel Alito. “I would have liked to ban contraception and get even more control over women’s bodies, make devout Catholic worship mandatory, and ban any votes that do not support conservative causes. But I guess it takes time to dismantle democracy. In the meantime, Martha-Ann will fly the flags of just causes.”

“All good things take time, buddy,” Justice Neil Gorsuch said, patting Alito on his back. “Democracy’s had a couple hundred years running start. We can’t get our fascist state overnight.”

“No. But we’re working on it!” Roberts says as the six Justices laugh.

---

Read PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is Wilder than a Circus,” a twisted, funny ride across America with a traveling circus in the early 1980s. The book is also available as an audiobook. Buckle up and go.