Amazon billionaire Jeff Bezos purchased Venice, Italy, for the weekend, and staged his grand wedding to Lauren Sanchez on Friday. The bride immediately began making demands of her new husband.
“He needs to up his game significantly,” the new Mrs. Bezos tells The Lint Screen. “I’ve spent a fortune on these lips, my cheekbones, breasts, butt, everything. I have more plastic than a Hasbro toy to make myself beautiful, and all he’s done is taken some ‘roids and lift weights.”
Lauren expects more from her husband.
“I always dreamed of marrying the 30-year-old Brad Pitt,” she says. “And I know Jeffy can transform himself into that hunk. I want Jeff to get Brad’s handsome face, the fluffy, thick hair, the tight bod–the whole package. I think it’s the least he can do for me.”
“Lauren’s nuts if she thinks I’m changing myself for her,” Jeff says. “I’m one of the richest people in the world. If she keeps nagging me, I’ll take her to the nearest Whole Foods and return her to Amazon. Then she’ll find her fake butt planted back in a seat at Fox News.”
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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.
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