“I had them arrested,” Trump brags, “they were very bad people”

Predator President Trump was not happy watching the Ryder Cup on Sunday. “Our guys made a valiant effort,” he said. “But ultimately, the American Team was a bunch of losers. A disgrace to our country, the world’s hottest country. That must mean the foreigners rigged the games.” So, to extract justice, the orange madmen dispatched … Read more

Patel Reveals, “The Epstein Files Are Mostly Recipes”

Captain Cankles sure knows how to pick “the very best people.” Dictator Donald Trump, close friend of pedophile sex-trafficker Jeff Epstein, named Kash Patel, a man with absolutely no criminal justice experience, to lead the Federal Bureau of Investigation. “Kash wrote wonderful children’s books about me,” Trump says, grinning. “I loved that. Indoctrinate the kids … Read more

“They called me, crying,” Trump claims, “and said, ‘Please, sir, be our friend.'”

“The guys all gathered for a conference call,” Captain Cankles claims. “They had tears in their eyes. All these big, powerful, strong men were crying–– crying like dogs. ‘Please, sir, please come and join us. We love you, sir, and admire the hard work you are doing to make America great again. You are the best president ever, sir. And we’re not just saying that.’ Trump grins. “No one’s ever seen anything like it. They admire me so much.”