Glorious Leader Donald J. Trump held a “fabulous, incredible party” to celebrate all he has accomplished since taking office on January 20th.
“I saved America,” Trump says, “so I wanted to have a little celebration. And of course, the liberal media made a big deal out of it. They have Trump derangement syndrome, and they can’t stand the incredible job I’ve done.”
Trump smiles. “Biden ruined everything. The economy was a wreck. Everyone was unemployed, inflation was going crazy, and illegals were killing pregnant mothers and babies–the country was a hellhole. Then they elected me in the biggest landslide in history. And in record time, I fixed everything. There’s no more inflation. People can’t believe how much stuff they can buy at the grocery store for a dollar. Groceries —I invented that word to describe foods like bacon, eggs, and bread. And healthcare was a mess, so I cut the cost of medicines by 1500 percent or even 1600 percent. No one’s ever seen anything like it. People love their cheap drugs. Americans are taking more drugs than ever thanks to me.”
Trump takes a deep breath. “And I solved every war in the world. After all the amazing things I’ve done, I think I deserve to let off a little steam with a Great Gatsby party. Gatsby was a great man, you know, very rich and powerful, and classy, like me. But the Democrats want to kill America, so they shut down the government and stole food from hungry children, and they want to break people with their awful Obamacare, which is the worst thing ever.”
Trump smiles again. “Wait until everyone sees the great healthcare plan I have. It’s going to be so incredible. I’m doing a fantastic, tremendous job being president–– everyone in my cabinet and at Mar-A-Lago says so. I think Americans are very lucky to have me, and they’d better start showing their appreciation, or I may have to have ICE do some not-so-nice things to them.”
———————————————————————————————-
Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus.” It’s a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.
Discover more from The Lint Screen, Satire/Humor/Etc.
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.