The Lint Screen, Satire/Humor/Etc.
"Where fake news gets real."
I fixed inflation. Prices have never been lower. Gas, rent, groceries– a word I made up – they’re all cheap. People can’t believe. And cars and homes are also finally affordable. Many of my Mar-A-Lago members have two, three, or even ten houses. They all love Trump!!! They tell me all the time at our Great Gatsby parties.
“Those buff dudes are hot,” coos Samantha Woolencott. “But they’re a little too ‘into’ each other, if you know what I mean. Why are all the good ones infatuated with each other? What chance does a girl like me have?”
“You Democrats want to deny biology,” Bondi snapped at Sen. Jamie Raskin. “Young girls are naturally attracted to successful, rich, powerful men who are hunks. Epstein, President Trump, Bill Gates, Leslie Wexner, Howard Lutnick, and Elon Musk are stone-cold gorgeous specimens of the male form. But they were constantly badgered and abused by these young girls gone wild. It was a travesty, and I will bring justice for the abused men involved.”
“This country was built by white people,” Miller tells The Lint Screen. “But it has been systematically infiltrated by different colored races, causing great destruction to America’s rich history. They’re ruined music. Pat Boone, now that was music. No more. We are going to take back our country.”