Tonight’s the 85th Academy Awards and while 2012 was a pretty terrific year for movies, I hope just one thing–– that Lincoln doesn’t get crowned king.
Yes, Lincoln was a great president but this was not a great movie. It wasn’t bad, mind you, it just didn’t live up to the incessant hype. Let’s just say the emperor has no stovepipe hat and leave it at that.
I still haven’t seen Armour, Beasts of the Southern Wild or Zero Dark Thirty, but have caught all the other nominated films. Of them, I’d pick Silver Linings Playbook for best film. I would also cheer for Argo or Django Unchained as best pic. Just no Lincoln, please!
For best actor, I’d go Joaquin Phoenix in The Master, a desperately under appreciated film. Give me Christoph Waltz for supporting role in Django, and give Quentin his gold statue for writing the original screenplay. For adapted screenplay, David O. Russell deserves the little man for Silver Linings Playbook.
I won’t pick in the other categories since I haven’t seen the majority of the nominees, but please, Academy, let Lincoln be. While this film was not a great moment in cinema, we did have a better time in the theatre than ol’ Abe did.
God called another great man from the bullpen and I am sad. Paul Decker is dead at age 75.
I never met Paul, only spoke to him on the phone a couple of times, but I was a huge fan of his work. Paul lived in Portland, Oregon, and was married to the lovely Kitty O’Keefe, a financial guru who I got to know when she hunted heads in advertising.
Paul was an adman in the tradition of gadflies like Howard Gossage. An interesting man with a bouquet of varied interests. He was a terrific copywriter, creative director, producer. He once wrote a brochure for a fictitious multi-national ad agency called “Mammoth, Pervasive and Bland” as a promo piece for L.A.’s keye/donna/pearlstein. I remember straining my eyes to read his brilliant copy when it was reproduced in ad award show books.
Paul had many other interests: he DJ-ed a jazz program on a public radio station in Portland, developed radio acting classes for a high school, created animated film projects and was working on a reality TV show featuring the music and food of New Orleans. These are just some of his Cliff notes.
But his real genius was evidenced by his creation of Modern Meats, a company that allegedly manufactured tasty meat (and meat-like) creations. Paul wrote hilarious company newsletters and product announcements with wit as dry as a turtle’s tongue in the Sahara.
Paul Decker was a true humorist, a spark for a world that desperately needs more fire. He will be missed, but I’m sure many memories of the joy Paul spread to others will be served along with Modern Meats at his wake.
“The Big Guy resents that creepy bare-chested Rooskie peacocking about being attacked from outer space,” said the heavenly source who wished to remain anonymous for fear of banishments to lakes of fire for eternity. “The commie leader believes in aliens but he doesn’t believe in a Greater Power?! I mean, come on, what’s the Boss supposed to do? The G-Force called a meeting and told everyone to get the word out to Putin to ‘bring it.’ Hey, let’s face it, He can take him and his puny country out at any minute. I’d say God’s a pretty safe bet in this fight.”
There has been no response from the former Soviet Union.
Putin declares war after “hostile attack” of meteor on Friday.
Vladimir Putin, the President of Russia, has declared war on outer space following what he called “an obvious hostile attack on our great nation.”
A meteor struck near Chelyabinsk, Russia, on Friday and injured 1,200 people while damaging 4,000 buildings. According to secret sources, Putin has been “angry as a lanced boil” ever since the incident.
“We shall not let this aggressive, premeditated attack on our fair country stand,” said Putin in a televised speech earlier today. “As of today, Russia is at war with the milky way galaxy. We have thousands of nuclear weapons and we intend to use them all with extreme prejudice. And because I’m crazy for Kubrick, I plan to have Slim Pickens look a-likes riding each nuclear missile into outer space. We’ll see how funny these hostile outer space creatures think that is!”
The world stands at the ready as Russia prepares to go to war.
Following the sensation caused by the popularity of the Dodge Ram Truck Super Bowl Spot last week, the entire ad industry is abuzz trying to find the commercial’s copywriter and voice talent named Paul Harvey.
“I never heard of the guy,” said one unnamed advertising headhunter, “but I’d sure like to get a piece of this Paul Harvey character. I’ll bet I could get him into Wieden, Crispen, Goodby– you name it! This Harvey kid threw the long ball, and the first recruiter to get him is going to get a handsome payday!”
Others are excited to find Harvey for his vocal skills. “Sure, it was a nice tone poem, kid’s got some writing chops for sure,” said one agency executive, “but it was his voice that was so captivating. The guy dripped of sincerity, humanity, all that warm touchie-feelie crap, that’s money in the bank. Harvey could be the next Hal Riney, I think!”
To date, efforts to discover Paul Harvey have failed. “The guy is doing the smart thing,” said an east coast headhunter. “Slow play the hand and let the pot keep getting bigger. This Paul Harvey is nobody’s fool!”
Anyone who knows the whereabouts of Paul Harvey should contact The Lint Screen so that we may put him in touch with the proper authorities and maybe enjoy a taste of the action.
The NFL runs a thanks to its fans as real live players show up at their home. Hell, they even clean a driveway and like doing it, proving that head injuries cause brain damage.
Blackberry pimps its new phone with a special effects hoo-haw that makes the point that the phone does all kinds of stuff. Well, uh, O.K., I guess.
eTrade baby talks again. Not so cute anymore. Grow up already.
Bud Light has spots on their ‘only weird if it doesn’t work’ campaign, an idea they borrowed from “SportsCenter” way back when. These spots show sports superstitions played with Big Easy voodoo and black magic. A sixer of BL gains one access to this great power granted by Stevie Wonder! Wow-wee! Not great moments in advertising.
The Niners look lame. The lights go out in N.O. What’s going on here? Geez, are these commercials that bad?
Subway wastes buckets of money hiring various celebs telling us that “February” is hard to say and that Subway is selling subs. Thanks for the update, bun breath.
Axe Apollo introduces itself with a drowning beauty, a hungry shark and a hunky lifeguard, oh, and some guy in an astronaut outfit. Uh, long way to go for product recognition, but I guess it works.
Kia Forte shows product at car show. A nerd paws the car and cybernetic hotties toss him like a rag doll. Hey, that’s a good looking car!
Something called Gildan tee shirts advertises. Hmmm, maybe I’ll wear one with my Calvin Klein underwear.
Tracy Morgan for Mio Fit. No thanks.
Psy won’t die. The obnoxious Korean pop sensation shows us his gangham style moves cracking pistachios. Nutcracker suite? Will Psy’s 15 minutes of fame ever be up? Please!!!
Lincoln yaks about some social media dealio with Jimmy Fallon and I’m supposed to care and get on the internet to check it out and I don’t think I could care any less about this so I don’t think I will.
Speed Stick has a spot with a guy holding some panties. I’m starting to re-think my Calvin Kleins.
Is black the new beer color? Beck’s brings us Beck’s Sapphire with a singing fish. Dumb.
Budweiser goes for the heartstring long bomb with a tale of the man who raises a Clydesdale foal, it grows up and the beer company comes for its hooved asset, the man three years later goes to see the Clydies in Chicago. He is sad, but wait, the Clydesdale breaks free and runs down the street and the two embrace. Did anyone on the creative team see Equus?
What’s this year’s “Halftime in America” spot? The new one for Dodge Ram. A brilliant spot that uses the voice of Paul Harvey reading a tone poem he wrote to farmers–– matched with beautiful images honoring the American farmer. It’s a terrific spot with a great end line: “Dodge Ram: For the farmer in all of us.” And damn if Dodge Ram doesn’t just fit the bill beautifully. Great spot. Fresh, riveting. End zone dance.
Kia blows a wad of dough to answer a kid asking his parents “Where do babies come from?” Not worth going into what happens. Oh, yeah, I guess they’re in a Kia vehicle, at least I think so. I remember a panda bear and babies parachuting and the song “And the wheels on the bus..”
Tide has a great spot about a miracle “Montana Stain” and the sensation is causes. One of the best spots of night.
Mercedes CLA introduces itself in style with Willem Dafoe as the devil and the Rolling Stones singing for his sympathy and a young man imagining ruling the world from behind the wheel of this car– but hey, look at the low price, kiddo! Keep your soul, take out a bank loan. Oh wait, that’s selling your soul, too. Bring back that devil…
Paul Rudd and Seth Rogen appear in a Samsung “Next big thing” spot with Bob Odenkirk and LeBron James. Lots of big money star power, some good lines but hardly as arresting or as smart as the campaign spoofing iGeeks waiting outside Apple stores.
