The Lint Screen, Satire/Humor/Etc.
"Where fake news gets real."
PD Scullin The king is dead. Walter Cronkite gave earth 92 years and now has left it.
Back in the days before a 24-hour news cycle, before Ken and Barbie dolls learned to read Teleprompters, people like Cronkite applied the rules of journalism to their craft. They did the legwork, the homework and the back-breaking work of getting the story right, then presented it in as unbiased a manner as possible.
I’m in the neighborhood supermarket innocently shopping when it happens– the PA system plays one of my most hated songs: “Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?” by that terrorist group calling itself “Chicago”.
Governor Mark Sanford of South Carolina recently admitted to engaging in extramarital hanky-panky with an Argentinian woman. The following is a conversation Mr. Sanford had with his wife after his press conference confession.
The new proposal also has a time sensitive bonus. “And if you act before midnight Tuesday, July 7th, I’ll give you Michael Jackson’s sequined glove and a mint conditioned autographed copy of ‘Thriller’ with a $1 million bill attached. You get priceless Michael Jackson memorabilia, plus a more robust economy. But wait, there’s more! If you act NOW, I’ll even enroll every American lifetime membership in the Gold Brick Bullion of the Month Club. Imagine the joy of having your mailman hand deliver a gold bullion brick to your doorstep every single month! Don’t miss this incredible once in a lifetime opportunity to secure an address on Easy Street. Act now, if not sooner!”
In a startling development, a mysterious white knight has come forward with a proposal to rescue the United States economy from the flushing swirly bowl.
The mysterious man goes by the name “Bernie M. Adoff” and has contacted government officials with what he describes as “a foolproof plan to earn 20% annually on your money, easy as pie, with no worries, headaches or hassles”… “just give it to me and watch it grow, Grow, GROW!”
(As a public service, the following is the distillation of many job hunts and my surfing of wild economic times. Read and share with anyone you know hunting for a job. “The Lint Screen” is working hard to get this economy running full blast.)
Your boss asks you if “you have a minute”, and the pit of your stomach jumps into your heart and goes all Ricky Ricardo banging the congas and sending an alarm to your spinal highway dispersing anxiety on all major interstates and blue highways of your central nervous system. The message: your number’s up, you’re about to be whacked, laid-off, let-go, fired.