PD Scullin

President Donald Trump has been called The Chosen One, and like Moses returning from Mount Sinai with the Ten Commandments, he has decreed it is time his people return to places of worship. “We can’t allow this pandemic cause us to lose our faith,” Trump told The Lint Screen. “All Americans must return to their … Read more

Donald J. Trump has always been known as a genteel gentleman, a mild-mannered man of principle, and the utmost integrity–– but now the gloves are off–– it’s no more mister nice guy! The president spoke with The Lint Screen today and unveiled some of the dark secrets he has uncovered in a scandal he has … Read more

Atty. General William Barr knows his justice, and he also knows which cheek of the president’s ample ass is buttered. Today, Barr declared a new law he’s written “offering complete immunity from American laws to friends, family, and associates of Donald J. Trump.” “The president can’t be bothered by all the stupid laws on the … Read more

Sen. Mitch McConnell is known for being one chill dude (“don’t bogart that blunt, bitch” is his common refrain in Senate chambers), but former President Barack Obama has got his dander up. “That black guy needs to learn to learn how to shut his pie hole,” McConnell told The Lint Screen. “Or somebody’s going to … Read more

If anyone knows how to create drama, it’s President Donald J. Trump. The man who made The Apprentice the most popular TV show in history has decided to shake things up with the cast on The White House Cornanvirus Task Force. “We’ve had the highest ratings ever,” the president told The Lint Screen. “Incredible ratings. … Read more

One of the things Americans love about President Donald Trump is his humbleness. Yesterday, after fielding softball questions from Fox News anchors, the prez sat with The Lint Screen and let down his hair. “A lot of people think Lincoln was the greatest American president,” said the blond one, “but I think they’re wrong. All … Read more