Abbott angry at Dems, proposes simpler voting law in Texas

There’s a big showdown happening in Texas, and Gov. Greg Abbott aims to clean up the state. “I’m sick of these yellow-bellied liberals,” Abbott told The Lint Screen. “Our state Republican representatives presented many ways to make voting better for Texans, and the lazy Democrats up and walked out on them in protest. I’m sick … Read more

McCarthy swears he “was somewhere else” on January 6

Congressional Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) says he “is usually sharp as a tack,” but for some reason he can’t recall where he was on January 6, 2021. “They tell me there was a little brouhaha inside the Capitol Building,” McCarthy told The Lint Screen. “I don’t know anything about that. I was nowhere near … Read more

Lincoln exits Republican Party, “It is wretched, amoral, shameless”

“The Party of Lincoln” no longer has Lincoln. The ghost of Abraham Lincoln, the 16th President of the United States of America, has had enough. “I can’t take these damnable liars anymore,” Lincoln told The Lint Screen appearing in our offices. “Today’s Republican Party is a contemptible amoral pack of craven, cynical hypocrites, and I … Read more