The Lint Screen, Satire/Humor/Etc.
"Where fake news gets real."
Various things designed to get you to expel air in an unplanned manner while showing more teeth than you usually do.
There’s a critter who is hating the sun today. Punxsutawney Phil, the famous groundhog who has his own holiday and movie, saw his shadow this morning when he exited his burrow in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania. Tradition says that his shadow sighting foretells six more weeks of winter weather for our nation. “This will not stand,” said … Read more
Bat Boy, the sensation discovered by the “Poo-Litzer Prize” winning WEEKLY WORLD NEWS has surfaced again and is making headlines with his tirades against fake news. “I’ve had it,” an irate Bat Boy told The Lint Screen. “Reporters must uphold the highest degree of journalistic standards, or we are little more than knuckle-dragging apes searching … Read more
“Don’t run with the herd, that’s my slogan,” the 56-year-old guitarist of Air Supply cover band “Free Love” told The Lint Screen. But now, he’s finally coming into the modern world by joining the social media revolution.
The majority voted itself some sweet new perks, including a salary increase of $10-million per member with full salary paid post retirement, and immunity from any laws. Plus, free Amazon Prime membership for life, a set of front-loading Kenmore Elite washer and dryer, a $10,000 Starbucks gift card, and a sharpened machete and Uzi “to keep the stinking masses at bay.”
Talk about overstaying your welcome–– the year 2016 has officially filed with the universe for an extension. The formal request states that 2016 would serve all of 2017’s term, then retire to allow 2018 to serve.
“If the extension is granted,” said a universe representative, “it would be unprecedented. The only other known request was made by the year 1347 on the grounds that it was on roll with its deadly bubonic plague, having killed a third of the world’s population and wishing to finish the job. The request was denied and 1348 was granted a year of life.”
“Look,” the overweight man stuffed in his red felt casing told The Lint Screen, “I’ve been doing this Christmas delivery gig every year for ages. Enough already! I’m an old man, for chrissakes, I should be enjoying retirement not schlepping all over Earth, squeezing down chimneys and eating tasteless, stale cookies and warm milk. What’s in it for me? A whole lot of nothing!”