The Lint Screen

Tag: Cute kitten

  • Anguished Woman Lied To Her 893 FB Friends

    Tears of regret and remorse beg for mercy and forgiveness.
    Tears of regret and bitter remorse from Pam Dockwinker beg for mercy and forgiveness.

    Pam Dockwinker is being shunned by humanity following her confession that she recently issued a “Like” on Facebook when it wasn’t true. “I don’t know what I was thinking,” the distraught 22-year old resident of Madison, Wisconsin said. “I have got to be like the worst human being ever.”

    Yesterday Ms. Dockwinker saw a picture posted by her friend Mandy Stewbimb of a cute black kitten playing with a tennis ball. “I saw that the picture had 126 ‘Likes’,” admitted Ms. Dockwinker, “so I joined the crowd and went ahead and hit the ‘Like’ button.”

    But in fact, Ms. Dockwinker did not like the photo. “I’m really afraid of cats,” she told The Lint Screen. “I’m very allergic to all cats, even kittens, and the picture, while very cute, kind of creeped me out.”

    In the interest of maintaining the integrity of Facebook, The Lint Screen pressured Ms. Dockwinker to confess her lie, which she did in an FB post. Now she awaits the judgment of her 893 Facebook friends.

    “I hope I can survive this,” Ms. Dockwinker sobbed. “I honestly couldn’t feel worse. I’m so ashamed I am physically sick and really totally mental about my deception. And I sincerely hope I don’t lose any of my 893 close Facebook friends because of my dishonesty.”

    Time will tell who is a friend of Pam Dockwinker and who actually “likes” a dirty rotten liar!

  • Lonely Cute Kitten On Moon Lost Oilade Job Hunting Swedish Bikini Team With Fab Four X-ray Porn

    You want ’em, we got ’em– PORK BRAINS!
    The statistical analysis department here at The Lint Screen recently issued a 146-page report detailing the most popular key words that have attracted readers to this site.

    According to the number crunchers, here’s the catnip for curious eyeballs:
    moon
    lost
    Swedish Bikini Team
    job hunting
    X-ray porn
    cute kitten
    oilade
    fab four
    lonely

    These key words are the cheese that attracts the most people on our planet to this hub of intelligencia and good taste.

    So, the marketing department of The Lint Screen suggested we do a posting that combined all these power players in one entry. Like a dream team playing its greatest hits, if you will.

    Here we are. And just for good measure, the creative department (usually lazy no-goodniks with feet propped on desktops and heads nestled in clouds) wanted to add something new: pork brains (who knows, maybe these two words will attract new readers to Lint).

    Feel free to poke around the key words above and see what’s the most popular Lint to date. Please come again because we may be cooking up some more pork brains with the culinary department here at Lint.

    Pork brain pastries, perhaps?

  • Cute Kitten Wants All

    Who could possibly refuse the adorable cuteness of Snowpuff? Surrender, you are powerless to her!
    Snowpuff, quite possibly the cutest kitten to ever grace a litter box, has great ambition intertwined with her adorability– she wants to rule the world! And it’s working. People across the globe are selling their possessions and donating their money to Snowpuff.

    “I’ve never seen a kitten with an adorability quotient that rivals Snowpuff,” said Dr. Thomas F. Suttencroft, a respected authority in Cuteness Studies at Harvard University (official slogan: Where brains get even brainer still!). “Even her name ‘Snowpuff’ is as delightful as can be.”

    Whiskers & Charlie in happy death-free days
    Dr. Suttencroft exuded a regal air as he continued his learned commentary with a rubber-tipped wooden pointer in hand.

    “Back in 1926, there was an adorable kitten named ‘Whiskers’ who was the cherished pet of little Charlie Woodrunner in Stonesboro, Pennsylvania. Many said this kitty was the cutest feline ever, until one dark day when the delightful furry scamp lunged at Charlie’s throat and savagely ripped his jugular vein to shreds. It was a tragedy when Charlie bled-out and made a terrible mess of the Woodrunner living room. Whiskers was arrested, placed in pawcuffs and put on trial for murder. It was the trial of the century that year. After 16 hours of heated deliberation, a jury returned a guilty verdict and the judge sentenced the precious kittykins to death. Whiskers was placed in the lap of a man convicted of vandalism who was seated in the electric chair. Many people thought it odd they put to death a man convicted of vandalism, but there was no one on death row so someone had to be ‘the lap’ for the cute kittycat to sit upon. Those who witnessed the execution of the vandal and the darling kitten reported the last words of Whiskers were, ‘I’ll see you in hell, Charlie Woodrunner, and I’ll teach you not to pet me constantly!” The nation was mortified that such cuteness had turned bad. It was an adorable story that turned quite tragic. But I do not have that impending sense of evil from Snowpuff— she seems like the real deal to me and I am fully devoted to her cuddly lovableness.!”

    Millions of people worldwide who have pledged undying devotion to Snowpuff and her delightful adorability. If you’d like to become part of this global sensation (peer pressure is good!), sell your worldly goods and send the proceeds to me c/o The Lint Screen. I’ll see to it Snowpuff gets the money and you don’t end up like Little Charlie Woodrunner.