Dan Gruthers

Pickles Demands Paws End His War on Christmas

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The juggernaut presidential campaign for lovable monkey, Ms. Pickles, is Planet of The Apes-angry at opposing candidate, adorable puppy, Santy Paws. Dan Gruthers, campaign manager for Ms. Pickles, said today that Santy Paws was leading the “Satanic evil war on Christmas.” “Frankly, we believe all Americans should be outraged by this brazen attack by an … Read more

Pickles Claims Paws Defiled Fire Hydrant

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A new political firestorm is sweeping the nation as the campaign for lovable money, Ms. Pickles, accused competing candidate, adorable puppy, Santy Paws, of urinating on a fire hydrant in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. “It is absolutely outrageous that a creature capable of such a disgusting, despicable act is seeking the highest office in the land,” said … Read more

Non-Human Candidates To Debate

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Try as they may, Santy Paws, the adorable puppy, Ms. Pickles, the lovable monkey and Carl The Chameleon, the colorful lizard, cannot get the same media attention granted human presidential candidates. And since the humans are having 1,238 televised debates that they are not allowing non-human candidates to compete in, the ‘critter crew’ is creating … Read more

Lovable Monkey Enters Race

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Just when America thought it was a two horse presidential race between a puppy and a kitten, a new candidate aims to make monkeys out of both–– a lovable precious precocious primate named Ms. Pickles! Dan Gruthers, the campaign manager for Ms. Pickles spoke to reporters outside his Tempe, Arizona home. “I think that little … Read more