The Lint Screen

Tag: El Chapo

  • Sean Penn to Interview Jimmy Hoffa

    Sean Penn has a nose for the elusive interview.
    Sean Penn has a nose for the elusive interview.

    Following his successful interview with Joaquín “El Chapo” Guzmán for Rolling Stone, Madonna’s ex-squeeze has received an assignment for an exclusive interview with Jimmy Hoffa.

    Hoffa, the ex-President of the International Brotherhood of Teamsters (IBT) union disappeared mysteriously in late July of 1975. He has been underground since.

    The Lint Screen talked with Jann Wenner, co-founder and publisher of Rolling Stone magazine. Wenner believes Mr. Penn is just the man for the job. “Sean’s got a nose for the news. It’s a big nose, looks like it’s been busted a couple of times. If anyone can find where Hoffa’s hiding, Sean Penn is the man! And I have every confidence he’ll get all the answers.”

  • El Chapo Headlining Vegas Act

    El Chapo escapes to the big time–– VIVA LAS VEGAS!
    El Chapo escapes to the big time–– VIVA LAS VEGAS!

    Officials representing Mexican drug lord Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzman have announced the recent prison escapee will be headlining at The Mirage Hotel & Casino on the Las Vegas strip this fall.

    “El Chapo has proven his amazing skills with magic,” his agent Jimmy “Gimme Gimme” Sandropop told The Lint Screen, “and now he wants to come prove his mettle where David Copperfield, Penn & Teller, Criss Angel and other so-called magicians have made tons of money. They are all crap!” the spokesman said spitting to the ground in disgust. He continued his pitch.

    “The Great El Chapo has escaped every cell he has ever been put in. And he does it in style–– helicopters, tunnels with motorcycles, waffle makers, frozen margarita machines and juggling monkeys on unicycles–– whatever he wants, he gets, no strings attached, no tricks involved. He makes Houdini look like a talentless hack. El Chapo is the best magician ever, and he will prove it in the toughest test conditions anywhere–– on the fabulous Las Vegas strip! Of course, there will be a two-drink minimum. We’ll also have other ‘recreations’ available for the more adventurous patrons.”