“BP is not to blame for this catastrophic oil spill,” the statement begins, “rather, we place the blame squarely on technology, specifically the robots who are supposed to fix the mess. We have repeatedly asked them to fix the problem but they have had little to no success in doing so. Obviously, these robots are either terrorists from the middle east who want to ensure our failure in the Gulf so that the world is more dependent on their sources for oil, or these robots are eco-terrorists determined to embarrass and shame the company from continuing its drilling operations in the Gulf. It may also be a terrorist group wishing to derail the England football team in succeeding in the World Cup. While we cannot say which group is responsible for the concerted effort in not fixing the problem as we have strongly requested– we most assuredly know someone nefarious is behind this failure of technology. Whatever group is responsible, we want the world to know that BP is not responsible– evil terrorist robots are. Thank you.”
No BP spokesperson was available for further comment. Nor any robots.