The Lint Screen

Tag: Gaffney Peach

  • Road Trip Wonder

    There is a delicious dessert enjoyed while driving on I-85 through South Carolina: The Glorious Gaffney Peach.

    This magnificent structure stands as a testament to humanity’s ability to think boldly and imaginatively for the enrichment of all. A water tower as a piece of fruit? Yes, it can be done– no wonder we’re top of the food chain, baby!

    Gaffney bills itself as the peach capital of the world, and while I don’t know if that’s true, I do know they have one of the greatest roadside attractions in America. Have a favorite roadside attraction? Please share, tightlips.

    For now, come enjoy a drive by on I-85 South past the Glorious Gaffney Peach, a sight that brings tears of joy to my eyes.

  • The Ugly Horror of Fatz

     

    Behold the glory of what was...
    Behold the glory of what once was.

       As roadside attractions go, it’s hard to top the Gaffney Peach, conveniently located by Interstate-85 in Gaffney, South Carolina. Constructed in 1981, it’s a million dollar water storage tank that’s shaped like… get this… a PEACH!

       It’s a wondrous sight when one is zipping along trying to avoid the long radar arm of Johnnie Law. This large peach on the horizon is the sort of thing that brings angels to tears and makes puppy fur feel softer. It’s a middle finger thrown to the traveling residents of Georgia, the alleged “peach state”, claiming the crown for South Carolina.

        But tragically, last year this glorious monument was sullied, spoiled and shat upon by a Fatz Cafe erected in its shadow with a hideous neon sign obstructing the magnificent view of peachy water tankery. Makes me want to puke my spleen.

    The peach of my eye is poked.
    The peach of my eye is poked.
    The sin, the shame, the injustice of it all!
    The sin, the shame, the injustice of it all!

       Now I’ve never eaten at a Fatz Cafe and I assure you that I never will after what they’ve done. They have soiled a monument, a national treasure. It’s like drawing a black marker mustache on the Mona Lisa or putting Popeye arms on Venus de Milo. Fatz has ruined a work of art.

       I hope you’re happy, Fatz Cafe, you Fatz Catz, for marring the jewel of I-85. My heart goes out to all Gaffney’s children (all motorists are Gaffney’s children). Boo hoo hoo hoo, woe be we.