The Lint Screen

Tag: ISIS

  • ISIS to Open Social Media Agency

    Crazy terrorists invade social media space.
    ISIS Leader Abu Al Jerrylewis explains why the terrorist organization is invading the social media space.

    The evil band of no-goodniks known as ISIS has long been heralded for its savvy social media skills. The terrorist group’s use of Twitter, Tinder, Facebook, YouTube, Social Sugar Smax!, LinkedIn, eHarmony and Let’s Connect, Okeedokee? has been heralded for generating propaganda and recruiting new psychopathic nut jobs. Now The Lint Screen has learned that ISIS is planning to expand into the hurly burly world of modern marketing by opening a social media agency.

    “It’s a natural extension for us,” said Abu Al Jerrylewis, an ISIS leader who will be heading up the new operation. “We want to use all our social media expertise helping global brands connect with new audiences. Unfortunately, market research has showed that the ISIS brand is despised and feared, so we’re working on a cute approachable name for our new company. Some of the names we’ve been spitballing are Panda Touch, Social Awakenings and Die, Infidel, DIE!!!”

    Industry observers are skeptical if ISIS can successfully make the transition to a social media agency. “I don’t think these guys have any idea what a tough, brutal racquet social media marketing is,” said Gregg Emerflip, a marketing consultant. “ISIS will be going up against the likes of WPP, Omnicom and Havas–– I’m not sure they’re prepared for how vicious it will get.”

    What do you think? Post your opinion on social media, if your Tweet attracts a drone, run!

  • Ebola Gets All Cuddly

    Aw, isn't ebola cute?!
    Aw, isn’t ebola cute?!

    Seeing the success ISIS has had since re-branding itself and making terrorism more approachable, the deadly disease Ebola has engaged its own public relations firm, award-winning Jennings, Marlowe, Everbrite Public Relations in Manhattan to address “softening our image” according to an anonymous Ebola spokesman.

    “People misunderstand Ebola,” said the seven-foot tall spokesman, wearing a black hooded robe and carrying a sharp scythe. “The disease really ain’t all that bad. We just have an itsy bitsy image problem.”

    Todd Ruminface, Executive VP of business development at JME-PR agreed with his new client. “Ebola’s got a bad rap. It’s feared because people associate the ailment with silly little side effects like death and the urge to be cremated or buried. We plan to change that, to give Ebola some topspin making it friendlier and more accessible. Heck, even cute and cuddly! To that end, we have a radical idea. We are going to use images of irresistible and lovable puppies in our social network feeds. This idea is really killer, and I’m sure our radical new campaign will make people stop avoiding Ebola, and maybe even embrace it!”

    The seven-foot spokesperson made a happy grunting sound and swung his scythe in agreement.

  • ISIS Hires P.R. Firm, Rebrands Itself

    The terrible terrorist group ISIL believes cute kittens will make it more adorable
    The terrible terrorist group ISIS believes cute kittens will make it more adorable

    The Islamic State Group (a.k.a. ISIL, ISIS, A-Holes, A-Whats-a-matter-u?) believes it has a bad reputation and has hired Milligan-Koswell Public Relations in New York City to soften its terrible image.

    “These guys are pretty upset,” said E. Carlson Foswell, the Management Supervisor of the new account at M-K PR. “They’ve worked hard to establish a new brand in terrorism, one that is pure evil. A dream team of ruthlessness. The members are frustrated because they’re very savvy in social media channels, but they’re not viewed as being approachable. Let’s face it, Tweets, beheading videos, sadistic murders and outrageous cruelties will only get you so far, and it’s probably not going to make you many friends on Facebook.”

    To combat the ISIS image problem, M-K PR has begun a new branding campaign employing cute kittens. “There’s a reason kittens are a meme–– they’re absolutely adorable! Using cute balls of fur with loving eyes will make ISIS more approachable. Kittens also acknowledge a ferocious nature within. We think using kittens is brilliant! In addition, we’re creating a total re-branding campaign with a bright colorful logo, a jingle with a bouncy-C infectious beat, and a catchy slogan. It’ll be epic! We’re also working to get a terrorist spokesman on Fallon, Letterman and The Daily Show. Maybe even a guest spot in Gray’s Anatomy, The Walking Dead or Modern Family. We’re even talking with the NFL about possibly performing at halftime during The Super Bowl. We’re pulling out all the stops.”

    In response to the announcement, al-Qaeda is reportedly putting its marketing/PR account up for review.