What’s it like to roam the earth in search of acceptance, love and the occasional bite?
Frankly, it sucks.
Confessions of a lonely fruitcake from Ames Scullin O'Haire on Vimeo.
Learn more of this tragic tale @ http://www.fruitcakediaries.com
Tag: love
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Sad Fruitcake
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Woodstock Memories
See me? 281st row, 134th from left, wearing a porkpie hat. Winking. It was supposed to be a little concert in upstate New York. Just some friends, some music, some good times. It became a legendary rock concert and historic event. Even though I was just a kid from northeastern Ohio, I was there and kept a haphazard journal. Here are my notes from 40 years ago (scribbled on a Big Chief tablet):
Met some black dude named Jimi. Says he’s playing guitar on Sunday and wants to make a political statement. Says he’s thinking of playing “The Hokey-Pokey” because in Vietnam, you’re either in, you’re out, or you’re shaking it all about. I tell him it seems kinda heavy-handed. I suggest he plays “The Star Spangled Banner” and let people draw their own conclusions. He threw me his guitar and said, “Thanks, kid.” I wonder if he’s really playing or just kidding me…
Some of the younger kids are talking. Rumors going ’round is that the yellow Pez are cool. Orange are nice. BUT DO NOT take the purple Pez. They’re really, really sour.
Have given up on the idea of introducing myself to everyone here. After 14 straight hours of doing it, feel like I’ve barely scratched the surface. It’s also nearly impossible to remember all their names.
Rain. Mud. Stink like a wet monkey riding a wet donkey. Apparently there is no deodorant concession stand. Moisture also makes hair unmanageable.
Met a dude named Willie and his old lady Mildred. She was having a hard time getting her walker through the mud.
Where’s The 1910 Fruitgum Company? I thought they were playing… No Cowsills, yet, either… Herb Alpert & The Tiajuana Brass?
A Woodstock Poem: Love is in the air. Love is everywhere. Love to love this loving love. Love. Love. I hate those who can’t love. Love or die. Love or die. Love or I spit in your eye. Love, for crying out loud–LOVE!!!
Been holding this pee in for nine hours. I wish this bathroom line would move.
All these incredible young people, free spirits, open minds, all gathered together– baptized by rain, rock, and love. This world is going to be such a trippy, beautiful, peaceful place when these hippies take over and everyone just loves everyone and digs on everything. No more war, hate, pollution, prejudice, pain, flat tires, hunger, fallen arches, poverty, charlie horses in the middle of the night… no, man, it’s all going to be better. The world will change and it’s all going to be cool. Of this I am sure.
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Falling In Love (Again)
Sometimes a guy has to leave his lover for his wife and kids. Governor Mark Sanford of South Carolina recently admitted to engaging in extramarital hanky-panky with an Argentinian woman. The following is a conversation Mr. Sanford had with his wife after his press conference confession.
MARK: Hello, Jenny.
JENNY: Mark, honey, you’re home! How was your hike on the Appalachian Trail?
MARK: It was good, but geez, that thing’s longer than I thought… I ended up in Argentina.
JENNY: Oh, you poor dear. Are you all right?
MARK: I’m fine. Funny story, though– at the end of my hike, I met this woman and she cared for me.
JENNY: That’s nice.
MARK: And, well, I felt this connection with this woman.
JENNY: Connection?
MARK: She’s my soulmate, Jenny. My true love. My destiny. My heart’s desire and my soul’s purpose. She’s my everything and I have never felt such intense emotional love in my entire life. And don’t even get me started on how hot the physical attraction and lusty acrobatics were. It was incredible!
JENNY: She sounds wonderful, dear.
MARK: But, here’s the thing, Jenny. The more I thought about it and the more the media hounded me, well, the more I realized that maybe I shouldn’t be with this Argentinian goddess– what with me being married to you and everything. Plus the fact we have like what, four kids together.
JENNY: So she’s not your soulmate?
MARK: Don’t be silly– she’s my soulmate, that’s for sure. But you see, Jenny, I think maybe I shouldn’t have a mistress, so I’m going to do something very brave and very, very strong. I am going to resolve myself to falling in love with you, my wife, again!
JENNY: But she’ll always be your soulmate?
MARK: Absolutely. But you’ll always be my wife, Jenny, because a politician needs a wife to be all Tammy Wynette for him. And besides, a husband should love his wife, right?
JENNY: Oh, Mark, you’re so romantic, I think I’m going to cry.
MARK: Yep, I’m an incurable romantic, for sure, but no waterworks, please, Jenny. Now listen, I got to make a quick call to South America, then we can go out for a nice romantic dinner. How’s that sound?
JENNY: It sounds wonderful, Mark. I love you, dear, I love you so much!
MARK: And I’m working on it, babe.
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Whoops-eee-day-seeeee! (Pt. 4)
Maybe I should pay closer attention to details… It seems there’s a country named “Georgia” and it’s clear across the world.
Why someone would name a country after a state is beyond me (except to fool people), but it seems that the Russians have invaded the country of Georgia, not the state of Georgia where I live.
So I feel a little foolish writing about a conflict I thought was here when actually it was way over there. I feel sorry for the other Georgia and suggest the Russians go home and chill, for crying out loud. To quote Nick Lowe, “What’s so funny about peace, love and understanding?”
As for me, maybe I should pay a bit more attention to the news and not be quite so reactionary. Then again, being ever vigilant isn’t such a bad thing, is it? My apologies for the misunderstanding. I blame the media.
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Monkey Crisis, Monkey Love
Curse you Darwin–– these monkeys have gone too far! Recently I came across this alarming image and frankly life has not been the same since.
It seems to me that monkeys need to get along and be more accepting and open to tender loving, compassionate relationships. If they continue with their drinking, debauchery, sword fighting and gambling on violent conflicts, well, I don’t see much hope for us capturing monkeys and displaying them in cages at zoos so we can observe them and oooh and aaah when they do humanlike things like throwing dung or eating their own sick. Anyway, that’s my two cents. How about it monkeys–– how about a little more love for one another, for cry eye?
