The Lint Screen

Tag: motherboard

  • Watson Jumps to Lead in Iowa

    Watson has captivated cornhusker country, but good!
    The newly announced presidential candidate, IBM’s brainiac computer, Watson, has jumped to the lead in the latest Iowa caucus polling.

    Many attribute this to Watson’s smart move of saying he would “give huge corn subsidies to farmers– more money than they can possibly imagine, I’m talking fistfuls of benjamins, baby” and back a program for “100% ethanol– because the country needs more corn fuel and less Arab oil.”

    Later, Watson proclaimed that “Iowa is the best four-lettered state in the nation in which three of the letters are vowels. And I mean that from the bottom of my motherboard.”

    People in Ohio were upset at this statement and registered their complaints. A contrite Watson claimed he would have another statement to make after the Iowa caucus and before the Ohio primaries. He would not comment about what his statement might be.

    This computer may be hard to beat.

  • Watson Talking Trash

    Watson, before he became a loudmouth jerk dickwad creep.
    IBM’s brainiac monster Webster, who humiliated humanity with its awesome display of brainpower on Jeopardy, is reported to be talking more trash than found in a New Jersey landfill.

    Many people confirmed they’ve seen the mega computer in numerous Manhattan watering holes slurping oceans of loudmouth soup and dishing major league trash talk.

    “He seemed so nice on Jeopardy,” said one eyewitness, “but he acted like a pompous drunk jerk at the bar shouting crap like– ‘humans got nothing, I could beat your race with a 386-chip and a motherboard on the fritz! Jennings and Rutter’s the best you meat puppets got? Gimme a break, they’re crap! You want to de-throne the king, you better bring some stronger playas! Unbelievable, you people with your puny brains and slow fingers. ‘”

    “The poor bastard’s on a bender,” said one bartender who served Watson. “He’s drinking to drown some deeply-seeded problem, but he’ll probably drown himself first. It’s tragic.”

    Jeopardy host Alex Trebeck said he hopes the computer superstar can deal with his newfound celebrity. “It’s tough to deal with the spotlight,” said Trebeck, “especially when you start saying everything in the form of a question, and doing it with a heavily slurred voice that stinks of stale beer and bourbon.”