The Lint Screen

Tag: single celled organism

  • Single Celled Organism Declines Presidential Run

    The world reacts to the tragic news.
    The world held its collective breath in anticipation of the announcement of whether a single celled organism would make a run for the White House, and today the world received news that caused it to exhale in disappointment.

    Those who smelled the exhale said that the world had obviously been drinking and eating garlic.

    Russ Verblockin, a spokesman for single celled organism said that it had decided not to run for the presidency because it wished to spend more time with its petri dish family.

    “While single celled organism believes it could have brought about the change America so desperately needs,” Verblockin said in a prepared statement, “it also feels that it has an obligation to its loved ones and did not wish to bring them under the media’s microscopic scrutiny. I hope everyone respects single celled organism’s privacy.”

    The spokesman then broke down in tears and was ushered away.

  • Single Celled Organism May Enter Race

    If it enters race, single celled organism could prove a threat.
    In a surprising development, rumors have surfaced that a single celled organism may enter the presidential race.

    “It makes sense,” said a respected pundit. “We’ve got a crowded field of humans, a cute kitty, an adorable puppy and a lovable monkey. A single celled organism could prove to be a substantial threat, especially if it has a contagion following that could infect the rest of the field. Should this charismatic organism decide to run, it would be one of the most exciting presidential races ever. I’ve checked a bunch of history books, and I can say with over 80% certainty that if elected, the single celled organism would be the first microscopic president in U.S. history. That is pretty exciting!”