The Supreme Court’s recent 5-4 decision allowing law enforcement officers to conduct strip searches for even minor offenses has been greeted with enthusiasm by the entire slate of nonhuman presidential candidates.
“I suspect many criminals are naked beneath their clothes. What exactly are they trying to hide?” said IBM brainy computer, Watson. “Let’s find out!”
“We need to discover where people are hiding their nasty parts and fix them,” said a spokesperson of Santy Paws, the adorable puppy who proposes “fixing” Americans.
“I just like seeing naked people,” said bag of Fritos.
“I’ve got a development deal with Fox for a reality series of cops conducting strip searches,” said Big Ol’ Slab o’ Granite. “It’s going to do huge ratings.”
And Ms. Pickles, the lovable monkey, says that she’d like to strip search the Supreme Court. “What are they hiding beneath those big black robes? Could be anything. Let’s see justice served and have a thorough look-see!”