The Lint Screen

Tag: Tom and Jerry

  • Tom And Jerry Sign Historic Peace Accord

    Famous enemies vow to see if all you need is love.
    Famous enemies vow to see if all you need is love.

    For 75 years, Tom and Jerry have been fighting like cats and dogs, but they called a press conference today to announce they had settled their long dispute. “I can’t even recall how our feud began,” said a contemplative Tom the cat as he lit a pipe.

    “Maybe it’s because you’re a hostile a-hole,” said Jerry, the wiseacre mouse.

    “I’ve got anger management issues, for sure,” Tom said, as he scooped Jerry into his paw then into his mouth. “But it’s nothing a mouse diet can’t cure.”

    In the cat’s belly, Jerry lit a bomb. It exploded, and Tom blew-up into a million bloody pieces.

    “Now, you’re not such an angry prick,” Jerry said, wiping the blood from his mouse paws and beginning to walk away. SUDDENLY, Tom came running from stage left chasing the mouse.

    “How I wish I could die,” the feline said in a frustrated whine.

    “You and me, both!” Jerry said.

    The reporter from The Lint Screen shook his head and wondered if those two would ever settle their differences!

  • Cat Engages In Landmark Mouse Talks

    Gemini D. Cat ready to talk turkey with mouse.
    Gemini D. Cat ready to talk turkey with mouse.

    In a historic first, a representative of the powerful feline force has agreed to embark on peace talks with a member of the mice coalition.

    Gemini, a two-year old mix breed cat, has agreed to discuss a settling of age old disputes with the mice population.

    “If they come to terms, this could be a real game changer for animal relations,” said Dr. Benjamin S. Boxtopz of the Rodney King School of Political Science at Stanford University. The doctor propped his feet on the desk and continued his lecture.

    “In 1962, talks were scheduled between Tom and Jerry but they never materialized due to the lady of house putting Tom outside. Of course, there were rumors of a peace settlement between Wile E. Coyote and The Road Runner in 1980, but those rumors were squashed when an anvil mysteriously landed on Wile E. Coyote’s head.” The good doctor lit his pipe and puffed on it reflectively. “If these cat and mouse talks come to fruition, one can only hope it leads to peace talks between cats and dogs. They’ve been fighting like Arabs and Jews for eons.”