The Lint Screen

Tag: trickle down

  • The GOP Tax Plan Explained To Simpletons

    The GOP Tax Plan Explained To Simpletons

    A visual depiction of the GOP tax plan makes its benefits clear to even the biggest idiots.

    The editorial staff of The Lint Screen is not schooled in complex subjects like economics, so we approached Paul Ryan, Speaker of the House of Representatives, for an explanation of the new GOP Tax Plan.

    “It’s quite simple,” Speaker Ryan said. “Our tax plan lessens the tax burden on corporations and the one percent most wealthy Americans. These are the job creators of our economy. With the extra money the companies receive in tax savings, they will hire many more people and give higher salaries and bonuses to their current employees. They’ll probably even throw their employees a big party, with sheet cakes, party favors, and premium ice cream! And the extra money that goes into the pockets and off-shore accounts of super wealthy people, well, that becomes fuel for them to build new factories and hire lots and lots of people. So, the net-net is a win-win! We want to give big tax breaks to the people who will use it best, and then that wealth will trickle down to the little people. It’s like a mama bird feeding her baby chicks.”

    Speaker Ryan flashed his baby blues and gave his famous Pepsodent smile as he mopped his sweaty brow. “It’s really just simple economics and common sense,” he said

    This reporter questioned why it wouldn’t be better to simply give tax breaks to the lower and middle classes. Speaker Ryan laughed.

    “I see you don’t understand economics. If we give commoners tax breaks, they’d just stuff the money into their mattresses, and that does absolutely nothing to create jobs. No, you can’t possibly give money to ordinary workers. That would stall the U.S. economy. Peasants don’t know what’s good for them, but we sure do! Our GOP trickle-down approach is a proven way to really turbo boost the American economy. We project a 20% growth in G.D.P., maybe even as much as 530% growth! It’s very exciting.”

    The reporter asked why golf course owners receive a tax break and estate taxes will change to significantly benefit the uber-rich, while taxes will go up for many lower and middle-class people. Ryan became enraged.

    “Haven’t you been listening, moron? The job creators need money to create jobs for you bumpkins. How can you have a working class if there’s no work? This interview’s over, I’ve got to go vote so we can help job creators create more jobs, and my team can get some campaign contributions. You idiotic journalists don’t understand a damn thing! Goodbye.”

    Speaker Ryan left the room, leaving behind the strong scent of Boss cologne and Vitalis Hair Tonic.

  • New Gov’t Program To Solve Deficit Crisis!

    Washington legislators tackle pesky deficit problem to ensure we remain the land of milk ‘n honey!
    In a unified bipartisan effort, lawmakers from both the Democratic and Republican Parties have rallied together and devised an innovative new plan to defeat the growing United States deficit problem.

    Effective February 1, 2011, the Federal Deficit Reduction/Tax Cutting & Enhanced Entitlement Program goes into effect at a projected cost of $6.9 trillion. This program will employ 5.5 million Americans who will review ways to cut taxes for the wealthiest 1% of Americans while creating enhanced entitlement programs for the other 99%.

    “It’s really pretty brilliant,” said a Republican legislator, “we’ll cut unemployment by hiring over five and a half million Americans and boost the economy by giving huge tax breaks to the wealthy that will trickle down to commoners. Then, we’ll give extended government entitlements. This will trigger hiring even more government employees to manage the paperwork. This means we’ll cut unemployment even more!”

    “Our program should be called ‘having your cake and eating it, too!’” said a Democratic legislator who also was also involved with the creation of this new government body. “The best thing about the program is that no one has to sacrifice.”

    The estimated cost of the new deficit reduction program will bring the U.S. government deficit to just over $20 trillion. Some legislators are grumbling about the program saying that we need to form a new governmental agency to look into ways of reducing the size of government.