The Lint Screen

Tag: whisk broom

  • New Prez Candidate To Announce Soon

    The Lint Screen reporters scramble to get the scoop.
    The universe is a-jitter with news that a surprising new non-human candidate will soon be entering the 2012 presidential race.

    The rumor mill is grinding furiously that the new candidate will not be an adorably cute animal, single celled organism or lizard-like creature. Speculation is it could be a ghost (the ghosts of Abe Lincoln, Conway Twitty and Gene Rayburn have been mentioned), an alien or an inanimate object from the broom family. Heavy speculation is a whisk broom, although smart money favors a fireplace broom–– either could be a serious contender.

    At any rate, other candidates in the race are said to be very afraid of yet another hat in the ring for the highest office in the land, even though it is on the ground floor of the White House.

    The Lint Screen will break this story first. It’s what we do. Depend on it.

  • Whisk Broom Elected Senator

    New Senator of Wisconsin!
    Yesterday’s dramatic election sent a strong message to Washington, D.C.: “Get outta here, you bums, we’re sick and tired of your infernal shenanigans– so much so that we’re going to send all kinds of looneys to replace you just to prove a point of how hacked-off we are!”

    And so it came to pass that a number of incumbents were tossed aside like yesterday’s spent coffee grinds in favor or radical “antiestablishment” candidates, including in one surprising upset, a whisk broom was elected the new Senator from the great state of Wisconsin.

    An actual whisk broom!

    “Originally, we put the whisk broom in the election as a joke,” said Marty Fingletreat, chairman of the Angry Tea Dumper Party, “but then it started doing really well in the polls. We knew this inanimate object might have a chance. So, we got some serious PAC money behind us to slam the broom’s opponent, and bippity-boo-scattamazoo– whiskers the broom won! What an incredible story, a true American tale. It’ll be interesting to see how it does in Washington. We’re already raising funds for whisk broom’s reelection.”

    And so is written a new chapter of American politics. Sweet dreams, citizens, sleep well.