The Lint Screen

Tag: Willis Hargrain

  • Not Funny! Ironic Humor Killer Goes Digital!

    Ironic Killer now slaughters digitally with this deadly instrument!

    Willis Hargrain, the alleged ‘Ironic Killer’, is the primary suspect in the tragic death of a 36-year old Boone, North Carolina woman who laughed herself to death following an exchange with him on a popular dating site.

    Mindy Breeminder, a sales manager for Mungwhip’s Lugnuts & Pastry Shoppe, had an on-line dialogue going with Hargrain on Perfect Soulmates, a singles website. The petite woman was found dead at her computer keyboard by her sister, Patricia Goomy, early this morning.

    The only clue to the death of Ms. Breeminder was her last exchange on the computer screen. Hargrain is suspecting to have written the following exchange under the alias “Manhunk,”and Ms. Breeminder wrote under her dating site name of “Sexpot.”

    MANHUNK: Tell me about yourself. What do you look like?
    SEXPOT: No, you first. What do you look like?
    MANHUNK: I’m pretty handsome, I guess.
    SEXPOT: Oh, how handsome?
    MANHUNK: I’m so handsome, mirrors want to look like me.
    SEXPOT: That’s pretty funny. LOL.
    MANHUNK: I’m so good looking, I want to date me.
    SEXPOT: LOL!
    MANHUNK: I’m so sexy, I’m saving myself for marriage.
    SEXPOT: LOL!!!
    MANHUNK: Saving myself, sure, but I’m afraid I’m losing.
    SEXPOT: LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL L…………………….

    Police suspect Ms. Breeminder laughed herself to death. K. Edgar Haver, a Boone County Sherriff, warns all people on-line to avoid any exchanges with anyone named “Manhunk.”

    “Near as we can tell, he’s a pretty good looking guy. Be careful out there,” the lawman said.

  • Ironic Humor Murder Suspect Escapes, At Large

    Suspected ironic humor killer on loose. Beware!!!

    Local and state law enforcement officials have begun a massive manhunt for Willis Hargrain, the 55-year old suspect in the ironic humor death of J. Mundy Catwalls, who escaped from the Anderson jail following his incarceration on July 8.

    Hargrain used his razor sharp wit to cut down a policeman in the line of duty. Officer Dwayne Chumpky, age 28, of Belton, South Carolina, was in the process of locking Hargrain into his cell when the convict reportedly asked him, “Could I request turn-down service and a mint on my pillow? Oh, and what’s the number for room service? I think I’d like a surf and turf with a bottle of Chateau de Pricey!”

    Eyewitnesses report that Offcer Chumpky immediately doubled over with laughter at the suspected killer’s ironic humor, then proceeded to laugh himself to an untimely death. As the guard laughed, Hargrain stepped over the convulsing body and escaped the jail on foot.

    “Today we lost an excellent young law enforcement officer,” Sgt. Jerome G. Willikers told reporters. “Dwayne Chumpky is another casualty in the laugh-filled rampage being inflicted by Willis Hargrain. He must be stopped. Please consider him armed with ironic humor and extremely dangerous.”

    An all points bulletin has been issued, but there are no leads. If you witness anything funny, anything at all, don’t laugh. It could kill you.