Like many people, I like to take up a hobby occasionally for a little something to distract myself and pour my passions into.

    So I thought long and hard about what hobby to take up: coin collecting, serial stalking, magic, competitive mumbling, animal husbandry — then it hit me like a ton of bricks (though not nearly as painful or bloody). A hobby that was good for me and good for others, too.

    Brain surgery is my new hobby!

    I can’t wait to get started on this side interest. I want to saw skulls open and poke around the brain goo and get my hands dirty under the hood of someone’s mental engine. I believe I can tinker here and there and make things hunky-dory, then put the lid back on the jar and sew it up, good as new (better, actually, because I will have “fixed” my patient, but good).

    All I need is some business. Working at an ad agency, I have access to many sharp objects, Bestine, paper towels, a large studio table–and I’m not at all afraid of the sight of blood! 

    Some people might be skeptical of my education, knowledge or skills for brain surgery. Well, let me put those fears to rest. I have been a HUGE fan of medical shows on TV (especially that cantankerous “House” fellow) and I’ve seen lots of movies that contained brain surgery scenes. Frankly, it just doesn’t look all that hard. I’m a pretty quick read, and I’m confident I’d be a crackerjack brain surgeon in no time.

    So how about it? Do you have a troubled noodle? Get severe headaches, see imaginary stuff, have severe personality hiccups, need a brainium nip ‘n tuck? Call me, we’ll squeeze you into the schedule.

    Dr. Scullin will be happy to help you with his new hobby. Thanks.