Despite the fact that the presidential election season has been going on for almost two full years, pockets of “low information voters” are still undecided, perplexed and generally in the dark.
They are still not sure who to vote for on election day or who is running.
“I like a president who wears Sunday-go-a-courting clothes and who knows his gozintas–– like two gozinta four two times and three gozinta ten three times and change,” said one befuddled low information undecider.
Many of these low information voters are frustrated because they feel rushed. “Why do we have to make up our minds every four or five years like this? Why can’t we just have a king like they do in those king-run countries like you see in cartoons? Seems to me we all ought to take a deep breath and think this thing through a bit more,” said the man breaking into sobs. “I just need some more noodle time is all I’m saying.”
One determined undecided voter says he has a secret weapon. “I’m going to flip a quarter in the voting booth. Heads, I vote for George Washington. Tails, I vote for the eagle. Easy breezy!”
Happy voting.