“You shouldn’t have allowed this massive oil leak to happen,” said one representative. “There ought to be a law against such things.”
“Obviously you are worse than the byproduct of Hitler and Stalin’s gene pool,” said another frustrated lawmaker, “you can’t expect government to regulate you and fix you. Everyone knows government doesn’t work. It’s your fault this happened, I suggest you promise us that this will never happen again.”
“I believe you are Satan himself,” said another representative, “you should have been better about ensuring safety so that this tragedy could never happen. I mean, come on, you’re part of the free market system– can’t you just make sure accidents like this never happen again? I demand it, and my constituents deserve it! Thank you, and folks back home, please remember to vote for me this November. I do your bidding and do it very well!”
Finally, one representative spoke out on behalf of BP. “If we hold BP responsible, it will be damaging to their profitability and the oil industry. We need the oil industry, it is the lifeblood of our economy and we must protect it at all costs. Let’s just clean up this mess, fix the problem without government intervention, lower taxes and let the free market rule, as our founding fathers intended!”
With that, the lawmaker closed his notebook, lifted the canvas bags of money that had been discreetly placed beneath the table and left the proceedings to cheers and backslaps from excited oil lobbyists.