The Lint Screen, Satire/Humor/Etc.

Get To Know “The Kimster”

Written by

PD Scullin

in

When kooky ol’ North Korean leader Kim Jong-il announced that his youngest son, Kim Jong-un, would succeed him as leader, many asked, “Huh, what’s up with that?”

Get to know me, dudes!
Well, for the curious, here are some little know facts about the next leader of Commie Korea.

• He prefers radishes to celery and Captain Morgan’s to both
• Nickname: ‘Son of Looney Tunes’
• Favorite band: Jefferson Starship
• When he was a baby, often wet himself
• Favorite number: 666
• Adores romance novels with Vikings and mermaids
• Dude loves his beer pong and rules at Atari Pong, too!
• He’s Korean
• Follows Ashton K’s tweets religiously
• Hopes to some day appear on Dancing With The Stars in a sheer satin gown
• Has two friends on Facebook, his father is one of them
• Digs thongs
• Likes dragons better than unicorns, neither as much as solid gold bricks
• Wants to grow a John Waters ‘stache some day
• Is seriously considering changing name to Kim Jong-Awesome!

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Comments

6 responses to “Get To Know “The Kimster””

  1. Curvin O'Rielly Avatar
    Curvin O’Rielly

    Other little known facts about Kim Jong-un:

    * Contumelious of outsiders.
    * Tap dances.
    * Plays xylolphone in garage band.
    * Wants to bring Bristol and Levi back together, win Nobel Peace Prize.
    * Hot kimchi chicks call him “Lil’ Studly.”
    * As small child, played with toy nukes.
    * High school dropout.
    * Tiny fingers, tiny… well, you know.

  2. Kitty Avatar
    Kitty

    Tiny fingers, tiny toes?

  3. Curvin O'Rielly Avatar
    Curvin O’Rielly

    Toes? A little higher than that.

  4. Kitty Avatar
    Kitty

    Oops! I meant gall bladder.

  5. admin Avatar
    admin

    Excellent reporting, Curvin. We will bring this mysterious man out of the shdows, tiny body bits and all!

  6. Curvin O'Rielly Avatar
    Curvin O’Rielly

    Other facts I’ve just learned:

    • Recently mastered masturbation, pissed Christine O’Donnell opposes it.
    • Worries about WWF if Linda McMahon gets elected.
    • Thinks Michelle Bachmann is nuts but hot.
    • Has sent cash to US Chamber of Commerce to help buy 2012 election.
    • Upset he hasn’t been invited to tea party. Will bring own tea.
    • Has stand-up comedy act that kills North Koreans who don’t laugh on cue.
    • Dreams of turning Rachel Maddow straight.

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