“We’re going to nip this problem in the old budarooski,” said IP Chief Randy McTaversh. “For far too long we’ve allowed polite smiles, mild chortles, even repressed chuckles to maliciously impersonate LOLs–– and we’re sending a message that this will not stand!”
Violators face serious prosecution including five-inch hot metal spiked driven through eyeballs, Louisville Sluggers ‘going for the fences’ on the kneecaps, repeated viewings of Louie Anderson’s stand-up routines and in extreme cases, beheading accompanied by genial mocking.
“I’m going to watch myself,” said internet fan, Mike Ralstond, “I have high speed hook-up and I wouldn’t want the Internet Police pulling me over for speeding. LOL.”
Visiting hours for Mr. Ralstond are 6-8 pm at Ferguson’s Funeral Home on Mission Street.
McTaversh? You don’t scare me, MrTaversh! I got photos of you from high school. Remember junior prom? When you were pantsed in front of everyone? Lighten up, pal, or I’ll release the photos on the Interweb.
That pantsing incident may explain why McTaversh is such a mean, vindictive S.O.B.
Be carefully. Consider him armed, fully pantsed and quite dangerous.
Like my grandpappy always used to say, “Don’t poke a bear with a stick when the bear has a loaded shotgun and anger in his blood.”
Thank you, Lint Screen. Your report puts my mind at ease. No more will I fear snarky bitmongerers hiding behind firewalls, meekly tapping lies on keyboards. Laugh out loud??? More like smirky nose wrinkle (snw).
WARNING: THESE COMMENTS HAVE BEEN SENT TO THE TECH SUPPORT SOCIETY OF AMERICA (The TSSA – frisking web travelers digitally). YOUR DIGITAL PRIVILEGES HAVE BEEN REVOKED. PLEASE RELOCATE THIS BLOG TO THE MEN’S ROOM URINAL WALL AT THE CLAREMONT LOUNGE.
The Claremont men’s room urinal?!
FINALLY, The Lint Screen hits the big time.
Thanks, TSSA!
No, I do allow spirited commentary, however. Thanks, Matt.