Pickles Airs Attack Ad

The nonhuman presidential race has turned ugly as lovable monkey, Ms. Pickles, has taken to the airwaves to slam a key opponent. Witness this recent spot that aired in swing states: OPEN ON VIDEO OF HUMAN REMAINS FOLLOWING EARTHQUAKES. OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS, A DRAMATIC VOICEOVER IS HEARD. ANNCR: Why does Big Ol’ Slab o’ Granite … Read more

Commencement Address 2012

The best and brightest, the hangers-ons, and the squeak-on-bys are being sent forth unto this world to make their marks. I recently gave the commencement address to the graduating class of Eternal Optimists University. Here is the transcript of my inspirational talk. Today it is my honor to address this graduating class. I look out … Read more

Osama bin Laden’s Diary Discovered

The Lint Screen has received a copy of Osama bin Laden’s secret diary captured in the raid by Navy SEALs on his compound May 2, 2011. The unannounced visit resulted in bin Laden’s nagging painful death. The details of the diary are surprising. The diary, measuring 4″ x 6″ has a shiny illustrated cover depicting … Read more