Prez decides to serve beefy football players beef-like burgers

President Trump faced a difficult decision yesterday–– what to serve the college football champion Clemson Tigers during their White House celebration visit.

“The president has excellent taste,” political advisor Stephen Miller told The Lint Screen. “He originally wanted to expand the palates of the players with bowls of borscht, a beety bounty. Umm, who doesn’t like borscht? But he had a change of mind.”

Instead, Trump decided on serving a buffet of fast food burgers, fries, salads, and pizza.

“The White House kitchen is closed because of the government shutdown––which is the fault of the traitor Democrats,” Miller said. “So, our glorious leader took matters into his hands and ordered the delicious American food. He even paid for it with his very own money. American money! Obviously, the president loves America, and the Democrats do not.”

When the bills for the food arrived, the president offered to pay ten cents on the dollar. “It was great advertising,” said Miller. “He is a great leader.”