Sanders Explains Many Benefits of Trump’s “Executive Time”

Sanders blasts fake news for criticizing our hard-working president for making America great again.

Sarah Sanders has a bit of a temper.

Today, the White House press secretary dropped by The Lint Screen offices and overturned desks, threw computers, and slugged the jaws of journalists as she explained President Trump’s recently disclosed excessive ‘executive time.’

“You guys got it all wrong,” Sanders screamed as she tossed a copy editor out the second story window. “President Trump’s executive time is like Superman’s Fortress of Solitude. It gives him time to re-charge his big brain and feed his immense creativity and incredible gut feeling. Executive time is what it takes for a genius like him to find the inspirational brilliance and stamina to make America great again!”

Sanders continued the passionate defense of her boss as she took an ax to desks, computers, and a proofreader.

“He consults with his trusted intelligence sources like Fox and Friends, Judge Jeanine Pirro, and Sean Hannity to name a few. This brain trust of truthtellers keeps our president updated on what’s happening in the world. They warn him about the caravans coming our way presenting clear and present dangers to our democracy and virginity. President Trump cannot rely on the unreliable fake news of the U.S. intelligence departments and their billion-dollar information-gathering operations. That would be dangerous and silly.”

Sanders hurled a chair through the wall.

“President Trump is the greatest president of all time, everyone agrees on that. Look at his Twitter feed? Did Washington or Lincoln produce social media like he does? Did those stiffs have the kind of avid followers our president has? No, read your history books for crying out loud! Were their wives modeling babes like Melania? Ha! Martha Washinton and Mary Todd Lincoln were plain janes.” Ms. Sanders spat on the ground and pointed an accusatory finger.

“Look, you ink stains should spend less time micro-managing the president’s schedule and instead enjoy the glories he’s bringing for all Americans–– an unprecedented time of unity, prosperity, love, and happiness.”

The press secretary dabbed her sweaty forehead with her dress sleeve.

“And if you’re so doggone worried about what President Trump does all day, you’ll be happy to learn we’ve recently arranged for some playdates for him–– with very popular kids. He is also enrolled in creative art projects. One even involves construction paper, elbow macaroni, and Elmer’s Glue! These changes in his executive time schedule will really help him do his presidenting better than ever.”

And with that, Sanders tore the front door off its hinges and flung it at the editor, knocking him out.

Her press conference was over.