McConnell Outraged At Dems For Investigating Trump

by
A man of high moral character is fit to be tied and spanked. Then, spanked even harder.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell is fed up with his compatriots on the other side of the aisle.

“The Democrats are unpatriotic,” the ex-model of gold bling necklaces told The Lint Screen. “No matter what the president does, they think it’s against the law.”

The latest kerfluffle concerns a whistleblower in the intelligence community who blew a gasket because he said he heard something bad.

“Apparently this joker heard the president talking to the Ukraine president,” McConnell said. “And President Trump urged him eight times to look into the shenanigans of Joe Biden and his no-goodnik son. Where’s the crime in that? Our president is a crime fighter. He always says that no one is above the law.”

McConnell catches his breath; one can tell he is agitated–– as angry as a drunk mouse in a house of mirrors.

Many people suspect that Trump was leveraging selling U.S. weapons to Ukraine in return for investigating Biden which is a “no-no” in legal terms.

“I’ve heard Democrats are claiming President Trump is using a foreign country to investigate a political rival,” McConnell said. “That’s poppycock. How could Biden be a rival? Melania loves the president; she would never leave him.”

McConnell is disgusted by the Democrats.

“All they do is whine and bellyache. They should be doing something about increasing the minimum wage, or gun control or improving healthcare. But they only want to moan and groan. It’s disgusting.”

McConnell believes in loving foreign adversaries. He has snuggled up to a Russian oligarch (a pal of Pootie) and received a commitment for a $200 million aluminum plant in his home state of Kentucky. Not only that, his wife, Transportation Secretary Elaine Chao has financial connections with China that seem to benefit her family’s shipping company.

“It’s all above board,” the Speaker said. “We take foreign interference seriously. I’ve led the GOP in passing strong measures to protect our election system from meddling. We recently approved $250 million in funds for election security. We immediately hired the prestigious Kentucky firm of Chip McConnell Election Security Company to make sure we’re ship-shape for next year’s elections.”

McConnell smiles proudly. “Although to be frank, there was absolutely no election hanky-panky in 2016, except for the Democrats cheating Trump out of 21 million votes. Those people can’t ever play fair.”