Month: June 2020

Pompeo Blames U.S. Intelligence For Russia Bounty Miscommunication

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Secretary of State Mike Pompeo is known as one of the staunchest supporters of President Donald Trump, and he has come to the defense of the imbecile-in-chief. “If the intelligence departments had information about Russia putting bounties on our troops,” Pompeo told The Lint Screen, “they failed to inform the president. And that’s on them, … Read more

Flynn Declares “The Dirty G-Men Will Never Get Me”

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Michael Flynn,  President Donald Trump’s former national security adviser, is a happy man. Yesterday, a U.S. appeals court directed a federal judge to drop a criminal case against him for lying to the FBI. “They got bupkis,” Flynn told The Lint Screen. “Those dirty coppers tried to send me up the river, stick me in … Read more

Bolton Unloads Tons of Dirt On Trump

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John Bolton will go down in history as one of the bravest patriots ever. The former national security advisor sat down with The Lint Screen and discussed his upcoming book, “DONALD TRUMP IS A HUMAN TURD!” The conversation follows. TLS: Does your book paint a flattering view of President Trump? JB: Hell no. I thought … Read more

McEnany Warns Americans “They Better Get In Line”

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Although America’s sweetheart Kayleigh McEnany has only been on the job since February, she knows President Donald Trump well. “I have always been a big fan of his,” she says as she flashes a smile that makes even Crest Extra White Toothpaste envious. “President Trump is just a great, great, fabulous, wonderful man. And if … Read more

SMALL TOWN POLICE DEPT GETS NUCLEAR WARHEADS

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West Middlesex, Pennsylvania, had a population of 863 people in the last census. Still, this small community on the PA-Ohio border is making a significant mark on the map as the first American town to get an arsenal of nuclear warheads. “We need the extra firepower,” a local police officer who asked to remain anonymous … Read more

God Tells Trump To Go To Hell

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Almighty God doesn’t usually give interviews. He lets his actions and “natural disasters” speak. But last night, He reached out to The Lint Screen in an exclusive interview. “I’m a pretty mellow Guy,” God said. “But I’ve had My fill of that horse’s ass Donald Trump. What kind of sadistic bastard orders cops and troops … Read more