Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell is madder than a banty rooster trapped in a McDonalds’ colorful plastic ball pit playpen.
“If Joe Biden thinks I’m going to let him pick a Supreme Court Justice,” McConnell tells The Lint Screen, “he’s got another thing coming. He’s only the President of The United States. I’m Mitch goddamn McConnell!”
The wily politician, who has used chicanery and blatant hypocrisy to block Democrat-appointed Justices and rush through Republican ones, is gearing up for an epic battle in the Senate following the announcement of Justice Stephen Breyer’s retirement in June.
The man of many necks fears Biden will make a poor choice in picking a replacement on The Supreme Court.
“Biden said he’d pick a black female Justice when he was running,’ McConnell says, shaking his head. “That’s crazy. The Supreme Court has a black on it right now, plus three women! What the Court needs are some more white men. When are we going to get a say in this country?”
He smiles yellowed teeth, and continues.
“Republicans have set a precedent for appointing excellent Supreme Court Justices,” McConnell says. “Neil Gorsuch, and Brett “Chug-A-Lug” Kavanaugh, and Amy Coney Barrett–– these are all excellent examples of people who look good in black robes. They’re also great judges of making important decisions on who gets to control women’s bodies, who have the right to vote, the immense powers corporations have over humans, and making it easier for every citizen to build an arsenal of weapons. We can’t have some Democrat-picked Justice messing up the Court.”
McConnell says he thinks Biden should be patient.
“There’s no rush to pick a Justice,” the old Kentuckian warbles. “Let’s wait and see if Republicans can take over the Senate, and then we can get on with the process. We’ll find one of those good judges the Federalist Society tells us to pick. We need our corporate overlords and wild-eye evangelists to steer the fate of American lives. Biden shouldn’t mess up a system that works.”
Asked for a comment, President Biden said, “You can tell Mitch to shove it. I’m sick and tired of being mister nice guy. Screw him!”
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