Florida Governor and Republican presidential candidate Ron DeSantis is making his anti-Disney position a key plank in his campaign.
“Disney is the greatest threat to American democracy,” DeSantis tells The Lint Screen. “We must reject Disney’s woke agenda of indoctrinating our innocent Christian children, and when I am elected president, I will destroy them.”
The rascally woke warrior has never met a culture war he didn’t like, and DeSantis has had Disney in his crosshairs ever since the company dared to question his controversial “Don’t say gay” law in Florida.
“I won’t stand for any disagreement,” DeSantis declares. “I’ll decide what is appropriate, what books to read, and what history should be taught. And if you go against me, you’re asking for trouble because I always know what’s best. Me, get it? I will not tolerate those who dare to disagree, and I pledge to eliminate these enemies of democracy. It’s the only way we can keep free speech free! Mine is the only voice that matters, always.”
Asked to list his grievances with Disney, DeSantis gets visibly agitated.
“Oh, come on, get serious,” he snips. “Look at the seven dwarves. They’re obviously gay. Seven men marching behind a lipstick lesbian singing ‘Whistle while you’re woke.’ It’s indoctrinating young children that sodomy is A-O-K. Is that a message we should be sending to American youths? I don’t think so.”
But DeSantis is just getting started.
“And what about the Genie is Aladdin?” he asks. “I think we all know what’s going on there. And Winnie the Pooh? It’s obvious what that pot of honey he’s always after is really about. And Goofy, Donald Duck, Peter Pan? Gay, gay, and really gay! What boy hangs out with someone named Tinkerbell and wants to fly? I mean, come on!”
The pompous presidential hopeful shakes his head.
“And don’t even get me started on Mickey Mouse. Those white gloves aren’t fooling anyone. We know where those mitts have been.”
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