Sunny Florida’s dark despot, Gov. Ron DeSantis, is traveling America, making his case for being our next president. He claims his biggest asset is hating.
“If someone’s different from me,” DeSantis tells The Lint Screen, “I’ll hate them with the fiery passion of 1,000 hellfires. I’ll take away their rights and freedoms, ban their books, harass them mercilessly, and do everything short of imprisoning them––because that’s my idea of democracy. Once elected, I will build camps and house different people to achieve conformity and order. Outsiders better beware.”
Desantis has exceptions.
“I like women,” he says. “I like when they do what I tell them. They don’t know what’s best, so men like me must control decision-making about their bodies. The poor little lassies can’t choose for themselves unless that choice is to follow three steps behind and obey my directives.”
He especially hates the LGBTQ+ community, transgender people, cross-dressers, minorities, “woke corporations,” and those who practice non-Christian religions.
“Getting on Team Ronnie D. is easy,” he says, smiling. “Be a guy, white, and Christian, and agree with everything I say. Do that and we’ll get along just fine.”
DeSantis is getting crushed in election polling by the twice-impeached, indicted, and disgraced ex-President Donald J. Trump, yet, the Florida man rarely says a cross word about him.
“I know how to win,” DeSantis crows. “The other guy does not win all that often. He was a great leader, and Biden cheated him out of his second term. But I am a great winner and a bigger prick than him because I’ll hate those not like us more than he will. I want to unite Americans in my hatred.”
El Grande Prick-o gets nervous and sweats realizing he may have said something critical of Trump.
“If the other guy does become the GOP candidate,” he stammers, “I have enough courage and backbone to say I’d back him 110%!”
Read PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a twisted, fun ride across America with a traveling circus in the early 1980s. Also available in audiobook. Buckle up and go.