Oh, that, Donald! You never know what he’ll do next.

After the recent release of an audio tape with the twice-impeached disgraced ex-President, as he showed top secret Iran invasion war plans to visitors, Trump vehemently denies it.

“There were no secret plans,” the con man says. “I was showing plans for–– I don’t know–– maybe a building, a golf course, or something else. Something that’s definitely not top secret. It was a joke. Everyone knows what a crazy sense of humor I have. They say I was the funniest president ever. I had much better material than Kennedy, Abe Lincoln, or Ben Franklin.”

An aide whispers that Franklin was never president, and Trump gets visibly upset.

“You’re wrong. His picture’s on American money,” he says, crossing his arms, scowling. “Don’t ever correct me,” he admonishes his aide, who has dropped to the floor and assumed a prostration position before him. “Make one more mistake, and you’re fired.”

“Yes, Mr. President,” she says. “I shall obey.”

“You’d better,” he says. “Now, get up, and bring me a Diet Coke.” The aide hurries out of the room.

Trump smiles. “Let’s get serious,” he says. “Why would anyone believe me? I’m a known prankster. A regular Allen Funt. It’s too bad there was no video because you would have seen I was kidding around. There were no secret documents. If anyone knows how to keep a secret, it’s me.”

Trump sorts through piles of papers on his desk.

“Hey, you want to see the location of some secret missile sites?” he asks. “I’ve also got a list of double agents working for the CIA. How about some nudie pics of my wife, Melania? I have cameras in her room. She’s very photogenic. A real hottie.”

The joker smiles as his aide arrives with his Diet Coke.

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Read PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a traveling circus in the early 1980s. Also available in audiobook. Click here for a fun ride. Buckle up and go.