Florida dictator and presidential hopeful Ron DeSantis (pronounced “DeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeSantis“) has been a major disappointment on the campaign trail.

“Ron’s had a few hiccups,” says his campaign manager, Eddie “The Worm” Snoggims. “Many people have noticed that he sometimes can appear a little robotic and awkward around people. We have addressed that issue.”

Snoggims explains that his campaign team has upgraded the Ron DeSantis 2024 model with the latest technology manufactured by Nvidia, the world’s leading maker of chips tailored for artificial intelligence.

“We asked Nvidia to develop a chip that would improve Ron’s empathy and compassion so he could interact better with the public,” Snoggims said. “We challenged them to make it look like Ron cares about people. And the Nvidia tech nerds delivered the goods. Ron should be able to act engaged and interested in human beings.”

DeSantis has exhibited problems with his campaigning interactions, as evidenced by this recent exchange in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.

“Hello, Governor, DeSantis,” a voter said.

“Salutations,” the candidate replied, looking away from the voter.

“My name is Roger Clayton.” The man reaches his arm out to shake hands.

“Roger Clayton,” DeSantis said, brushing the man’s arm away and looking at the ground.

“I like what you’ve been saying about being anti-woke.”

“Roger Clayton.”

“Do you have any other positions?”

“Roger Clayton.”

“Do you think you can beat Trump?”

“Roger Clayton,” DeSantis says as he raises his head, and it begins spinning around its shoulders as handlers quickly load him onto a hand truck cart and into a panel truck for repairs.

Snoggims smiles. “We think this software upgrade will make Ron very likable and electable,” he says. “We are expecting great things. We’re confident our candidate will soon appear to be almost human-like. And remember, Ron DeSantis still fully supports Donald Trump, no matter what. That is an unbeatable combination!”

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a twisted, fun ride across America with a traveling circus in the early 1980s. Also available in audiobook. Buckle up and go.