Pity US District Judge Aileen Cannon. She is exasperated by the paperwork involved with the government’s case against disgraced ex-President Donald J. Trump for taking highly classified top-secret files from The White House.
“It’s a dilly of a pickle,” Judge Cannon tells The Lint Screen. “Jack Smith and his prosecutors have filed a ton of papers jam-packed with legal mumbo jumbo. I need more time to make sense of it all. Some of the words they use have lots of syllables.”
Cannon says it’s a tremendous amount of work to read legal filings.
“I don’t know what they expect from me,” she complains. “I’m only a judge. Am I supposed to be some kind of legal expert? I think they’re being very unreasonable. I like watching my stories on TV, not getting a headache wading through Smith’s legal gibberish.”
The Trump-appointed judge also thinks the government’s case may be an overreach.
“Bearded boy Smith and his people act like President Trump did something wrong,” she says. “But what if it was just a mistake? Anyone could accidentally take over a hundred top-secret documents. The President Trump I know and love is very ethical and honest. He’d never lie and knows how to keep a secret. He wasn’t the one blabbing about Stormy Daniels––she was!”
Judge Cannon thinks the media is missing the real tragedy of this case.
“Look at how President Trump stored the boxes of secret files,” she says. “He had to stack them in a bathroom, backroom, and anywhere any stranger or spy could find them. That’s the real problem here. The solution is to give him a big budget to build a safe storage locker for all his classified files. It’s the least we could do for such an honest patriot.”
Thanks to her ineptitude, the trial will not happen before the election.
“Let’s put the past behind us.” “Vote Trump 2024!”
Read PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is Wilder than a Circus,” a twisted, funny ride across America with a traveling circus in the early 1980s. The book is also available as an audiobook. Buckle up and go.