As the controversy rages about flags flying over the residences of Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito, the sanctimonious black-robed man deflects any blame.
First was the report of an upside-down American flag flying over the Alito home in Alexandria, Virginia, in January 2021, a sign of protest over the election of Joe Biden, showing solidarity for the unproven claims of Donald Trump that the election was stolen.
“That was all Martha-Ann,” Justice Alito tells The Lint Screen. “The wifey is a bad girl. I can’t control her. But I can control the rights of women’s health, and by God, I will.”
The upside flag is a symbol of distress and was carried by Trump insurrectionists as they attacked the Capital on January 6, 2021.
“I’m surprised Martha-Ann wasn’t there,” Alito says, chuckling. “I think she would have loved beating a cop and carrying a Confederate flag. She is one wild child, let me tell you.”
It was also recently reported the “Appeal to Heaven” flag flew above the Alitos’ beach house in Long Island last year. This flag is associated with the Christian Nationalist movement and the conspiracy theory that the 2020 election was “stolen” from Trump.
“Good gravy,” Alito says, shrugging. “The old ball and chain has a mind all her own. What can I do? I’m not about to get divorced. That would go against The Holy Mother Church and make Baby Jesus cry. And I must do my sacred job of getting more religion into American lives so we can control people. How else can we protect their freedom?”
Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas has also come under fire for accepting lavish gifts and his wife Ginni’s involvement with the January 6 attempted coup.
“Hey, what’re you going to do?” Thomas says with a shrug. “Sam and I married a couple of live wires. We can’t control our little ladies. And, no, neither of us will recuse ourselves from any Donald Trump case. We’re one-hundred percent impartial and on the bench for life––and there ain’t a damn thing anyone can do about it.”
Alito smiles. “Got that right, Clare-bear,” he says. The men high-five and shout, “Trump 2024!”
Read PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is Wilder than a Circus,” a twisted, funny ride across America with a traveling circus in the early 1980s. The book is also available as an audiobook. Buckle up and go.