Disgraced ex-President Donald J. Trump thinks tonight’s debate will prove his qualifications for a return to The Oval Office.

“Look at me,” he told reporters. “I’m a giant. I must be 7′ 10” tall—maybe eight or nine feet. I could play in the NBA if they didn’t have a race restriction. And how tall’s Kambalalaloo? She’s maybe a foot or thirteen inches tall on a good day. Harris can’t be on the world stage––she’d get stomped.”

Trump believes his superior height gives him an automatic pass to win the 2024 Presidential election.

“The Constitution clearly says, “‘Let the tallest man win,’” the addled senior claims. “And Harris isn’t even a man. Not unless she’s had a sex change, which many people are saying is very possible. Democrats like changing their sex all the time. They change sexes like their clothes. Nobody knows what’s going on between their legs. It’s awful. A disgrace. No one’s ever seen anything like it.”

The GOP cult leader is looking forward to tonight’s debate on ABC.

“Even though ABC has always been very unfair to me,” he bellyaches, “they won’t be able to hide the fact I’m much taller than her. And what else do voters need to know? Vote Trump! He’s much, much taller. Very much taller!!!”

The con man smiles.

“I’m also taller than Lincoln,” he says. “A not-so-good president. Very overrated.”

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Read PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is Wilder than a Circus,” a twisted, funny ride across America with a traveling circus in the early 1980s. The book is also available as an audiobook. Buckle up and go.